In our time, when wealth more and more began to come to the fore, and now, it seems, literally everything depends on money, a lot of people are really hunting for them. They are ready to do anything, just to have more finances, satisfying their endless needs and whims.
Speaking of girls, who live on the content of wealthy men or agree to a marriage of convenience, we make a sympathetic facial expression, they say, life has forced. And it seems to be normal, because this is how it should be in society: a man provides for a woman, and she creates comfort in the house. However, a completely opposite resonance is produced by the situation when a woman and a man change roles. That is, a woman works, creating for a man all favorable conditions for living and further existence, providing almost unlimited charitable assistance.
And many men do not hesitate to speak openly about the fact that they are gigolos, citing many arguments in their defense. However, if a woman’s plans were not foreseen to take care of such a young man, then she should be more attentive to new acquaintances so as not to fall on the hook of the gigolo.
1) Appearance of gigolos can be varied, although very often women think that only well-groomed men with impeccable external data can be like that. This is an erroneous opinion, because gigolos are also found among men with a completely unremarkable appearance, untidy and poorly dressed. Alphonse, who take care of themselves, perceive life at the expense of a woman not as a necessity, but as a job. Sometimes they proudly declare that they spend so much time on themselves, if only the woman would be pleased to be with him. Based on this, we conclude that when recognizing a gigolo, one cannot rely on appearance.
2) The real one will be a very helpful young man, a true gentleman. He will definitely give you a hand when you go down the stairs. He will run around you like crazy in order to jump ahead and have time to open the door in front of you. By doing this, he is trying to win your favor by imprinting a positive image of himself in your brain. Of course, not all gentlemen are gigolos, and therefore you should not look for a catch in good manners. Alphonse will have everything simulated, as in a theatrical production, and you will immediately feel the falsity.
3) He will get you flatter. He will start praising your clothes, talking with incredible pomp about your appearance, although it is possible that you will look quite ordinary that day. But, having heard such compliments addressed to you, of course, you will immediately melt, which is what the gigolo is waiting for.
4) Even at the very beginning acquaintance will either be actively interested in your financial situation, or, adopting dodgy methods, cunningly find out about it. He may actively ask you about work, about upcoming career plans, if you are expected to have a promotion in the near future. If a young man, having barely recognized you, has already begun to actively show attention to your work activity - know that this is an alarming bell.
5) If the young man is not introduces you with anyone from your environment, this should alert you. Although, it is possible that he is just the kind of person who finds it difficult to let a new unfamiliar girl into his space. However, if he refuses to answer your requests to justify his unwillingness to introduce you to at least a couple of friends, you need to think about it. If there are no specific reasons, then he does not plan to start a long-term relationship with you or is going to use you, and he does not need extra witnesses, which will be friends. He may also suggest that after he throws you, you can start looking for him through the friends with whom he so inopportunely introduced you.
So that there are no sad consequences in the form of sobbing into the pillow and complaining to a friend about how all men are the same, you just need not to let yourself be deceived. Of course, it's hard to try to appeal to reason when you're head over heels in love. So just try not to let too much infatuation blind you. Also, in order not to become a victim of the gigolo, you need to behave in a similar way, which will leave him in the cold, and not be left with nothing.
1) If you noticed, that he shows his politeness too feigned and intrusive, tell him that you can not stand romance. A young man who is genuinely interested in you will try to change his behavior pattern. Alphonse will be very offended by this. After all, you are depriving him of almost the main weapon - charm, which he will not be able to advertise so vehemently now.
2) candid flattery, too, is better immediately cut down on the vine. You can directly tell him that you do not like being flattered, because it looks inappropriate and vulgar. If he continues to talk about how beautiful you are, and that he is ready to pray for you day and night, ignore these signs of attention, thanks to this he will understand that you cannot be broken through in this way.
3) On it inquiries about work, salary, dodge the answer by immediately starting to ask him such questions. If he is a gigolo, then he probably does not have a job and there is not much to talk about.
4) If you sensed inclinations in him, constantly complain to him about material difficulties. Even despite the fact that he may have had a completely opposite opinion about you, based on your appearance or other paraphernalia, he will have some doubts. After all, it is possible that you have a rich lover or wealthy parents. In this situation, it is unlikely that he will be able to spin you.
5) All kinds of doubts that you have a gigolo in front of you, if at least twice at the time of direct payment of bills the story is repeated that he forgot his wallet at home or was robbed on the way to you. In no case do not pay anything for it, because there is a way out of every situation. Imagine if he came to a restaurant alone, would he really order something, initially knowing that he had just been robbed? He wouldn't even go to that restaurant. And if he forgot his wallet at home, and discovered it only after he opened an account, what would he do then? Perhaps he would leave his passport as a pledge and go for money. So let's do the same now. You can pay your share, but his share is his problem. If he still insists on paying, say that you don't have that much money with you either. After all, you too could be robbed.
How to recognize a scammer in time and not fall for his bait? Elena Kuznetsova, a family psychologist, consultant on interpersonal relations, director of the Me and You dating agency, tells.
The psychologist distinguishes four types of gigolos: the classic gigolo swindler, the "honest kept man", the household gigolo and the "disposable" gigolo.
1. Classic gigolo or gigolo swindler
This is one of the most feared types, because he, as a rule, tracks down the victim, collects information about him and acts according to a well-thought-out plan in advance.
The goal of professional gigolos is to shake off a woman, so scammers are looking for richer ladies, but in general they do not disdain young ladies with an average income.
The classic gigolo looks well-groomed, well-dressed, gallant, courteous and does not go into his pocket for a word. Professional gigolos - they know how to splurge and win a lady. The better the gigolo looks and the more profitable he is able to present himself, the larger the victim he pursues. Usually such men know what type of ladies are “biting” on them, and rotate in the appropriate circles.
Usually, classical gigolos act according to the same standard scheme to achieve the goal. To begin with, they act persistently and swiftly: they shower with compliments, make small gifts, present bouquets. To create the necessary entourage, the purpose of which is to cloud the brains of a woman and, a professional gigolo should be allocated a certain budget.
“At the moment when a man has achieved what he wants, and, the gigolo plays his most important trump card, which implies serious expenses on the part of the lady. A swindler tells his passion a heartbreaking story about how he was robbed, or that he made an unsuccessful investment and lost all the money, or that he was diagnosed with a terrible disease, and huge amounts of money are required for treatment, and so on. Stories can be any, the ending is always the same - money is urgently needed. A woman who is already crazy about a man is "led" to his lies and gives the required amount. At the same time, she can remove the latter from the accounts, ”Elena Kuznetsova describes a typical situation.
After the fraudster receives the money, he immediately disappears from life. Often such swindlers work under fictitious names, there are also “stray guest performers” who, having “turned a little business” on the side, return to their hometown.
2. "Honest keeper"
This type of gigolos includes, as a rule, those who do not want to work and are looking for a rich woman of age to live at her expense.
This type of dependent men is perhaps the most honest - the representatives of the stronger sex do not hide their intentions and openly sell themselves. They are a woman, for which she is ready to support a young handsome man. The lady in this case is also acting cynically, because she simply buys a young body, the interpersonal relationship consultant states.
3 . household gigolo
This is perhaps the most common type of gigolo today - a man lives on the territory of a woman and still does not work. He puts pressure on the lady for pity, explains that now is not his time, but in the future he will definitely “unwind” and begin to earn a lot, but for now he has to wait. A woman often understands that she is not going to work, but continues to live with her common-law husband out of hopelessness and fear of loneliness. As they say, without fish, and cancer is a fish.
4. "One-time" gigolo
This type includes men who are set up for a quick one-time deal: eat at a restaurant at the expense of a young lady, spend the night with a lady once, and so on. This type of swindlers is terrible because it is impossible to "crack" them in advance. These are the same men who, for example, cannot pay the bill in a cafe because they “forgot their wallet at home.” And in the end, the woman has to pay for dinner. It is impossible to calculate the situation in advance, because usually it occurs on, which, in fact, becomes the last one.
How not to become a victim of Alphonse
It is difficult, but possible (with the exception of the last type) to recognize the Alphonse man even in the process of communication, before the final denouement. The second and third types act openly, so it will not be difficult for a lady to understand the intentions of a man. The first type will be the most difficult, because he plays competently and accurately. The advice here is this: listen carefully to your interlocutor, evaluate the questions that he asks you, how carefully he is interested in your financial situation and social status. Is he asking out of simple curiosity, or is he asking clarifying questions to better understand the situation? Any specific and meticulous questions in the first conversation should be alarming.
However, in this way, classical gigolos rarely give themselves away, because before they fool a lady, they collect the most complete information about her and know in advance who they are dealing with. Accidents are rare here.
Elena Kuznetsova strongly advises women not to talk about their financial situation, not to talk about existing accounts and stash.
“Don’t say that you are going to change the car for a more expensive one, or that you have looked after a diamond ring and so on. Do not provoke, ”the psychologist states.
Sometimes it's even better to go short. Say that you are being fired from your job, or you have gone bankrupt, or your bank deposits have burned down, and so on. See how the gentleman reacts to your words. If he is ready to support you in such a situation, and not only morally, then you are most likely meeting a real and sincere man. If the fan soon after heard - under any plausible pretext, or even without it at all, then, quite possibly, it was the gigolo who courted you.
If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected] .
It is sometimes difficult for lovers to control the situation, and dishonest men take advantage of this. Alphonses are able to poison life, and even ruin a girl who, through negligence, drew attention to such a dishonorable gentleman.
Among the many candidates for life partners, sometimes there are men who are better to bypass. They do not just destroy life, but negatively affect self-esteem, making you feel worthless and unnecessary. Of course, they may look like princes from a fairy tale, but on examination they turn out to be empty and greedy people. Alphonse can be recognized. To do this, it is important not to rush into the pool with your head. Even if a man gives you compliments, actively courts you and shows his great attitude, do not rush to give him your savings. Remember that this type of man is used to living at the expense of others, and if you take off your rose-colored glasses, you will quickly find all the signs of a gigolo.
Your chosen one is just incredibly courteous
Having hardly outlined a victim for himself, the gigolo immediately turns on his charm. Seeing a wealthy lady, this rogue will shower her with compliments, look after her beautifully and literally conquer her with his imaginary love. Alphonses are subtle psychologists and it will not be difficult for them to crack even a tough nut.
You can recognize who is in front of you already at this stage. You will not be invited to an expensive restaurant and will not be presented with a bouquet of lush roses, but will be offered to admire the beauty of the sunset sky or the stars. If you want to have dinner or drink wine, you will buy it at your own expense under the embarrassed story of a guy that he forgot money at home and did not expect to meet such a beauty as you, just today. But tomorrow he will charmingly give you a wonderful dinner, which, by the way, will again have to be paid for by you. Believe me, the gigolo will find a reason to make you do it voluntarily.
He will listen more than speak
The oddity lies in the fact that gigolos try to remain silent or change the subject when it comes to their personal lives. At a time when ordinary men brag about their achievements, gigolos prefer to find out what state you have. Even after several months of dating, you will not know absolutely anything: neither the address of his residence, nor his place of work, nor his friends. They are excellent psychologists, so at the time when you pour out your soul to them, they will recognize your weaknesses. After that, they will definitely use the knowledge they have gained to manipulate you.
Do you think Alphonse is some kind of muscular macho handsome next to a well-groomed middle-aged lady on her support, whom she deliberately chose for herself for fun? No matter how! This stereotype.
In real earthly life, everything is much more complicated. And stories like a young pretty independent woman, not enough stars from the sky, but with a residence permit / housing / stable income, or even without them at all, fell into the networks of a gigolo - oh, how often.
Everyone can fall for this bait! Regardless of age, material and social status. Those who like to solve problems at the expense of a woman will find something to profit from.
There are many good men. But not all representatives of the strong half of humanity possess. Some men are best avoided. One of these is Alphonse. It is this insidious one that is listed at number 7 among those with whom in no case should you build relationships.
We classify the types of Alphonse?
If everything is clear for women with “professional gigolos” and gigolos from escorts for women - at least everything is honest there and everyone initially understands what they are getting into, then you need to be on the alert with household gigolos or scammers.
They are looking for a cozy place to “settle down” and something to profit from, they act imperceptibly and you need to recognize and neutralize them at the beginning, while your self-esteem is still intact, not to mention material values.
Alphonse the swindler
You can often find them online. And what? An ideal platform for "scanning" the victim, without even meeting with her personally. Saving time and money. Virtual hearts-flowers-rhymes - that's all courtship.
They often pretend to be foreigners who are ready to fly on the wings of love for their passion. Only now, at the airport itself, some kind of incident suddenly happens (they blocked the card, arrested the account, stole the wallet, etc.) - and he urgently asks for help (replenish the card, phone number) from you, because there is no one else to turn to.
The same is true in reality: a new acquaintance first showers you with compliments, spuds you properly, and then proceeds to take action.
The scheme is simple: identify a potential victim with a resource (status, money, housing, etc.) - fall in love with yourself - ingratiate yourself - find a weak spot (mostly self-esteem) - inspire hope for a joint happy future - get her resource.
There are also marriage scammers, but this is a separate issue. Let's talk about the type easier.
household gigolo
Relationships with him are long-lasting and even families are created with such people. They very quickly offer the girl “Let's live together. At your place". Acquaintance with household gigolos is quite commonplace.
But he always has some problems: he doesn’t go well with work, he has debts, his mother is sick, and in general he had to sell the apartment in order to pay off his ex, who robbed him to the skin. In general, everything is complicated and he quickly seeks to move to an apartment with his beloved. Taking his cat and modest belongings.
And then suddenly it turns out that a woman plows at two jobs, cooks, washes, cleans and nurses children. And he, at best, brings her coffee to bed, gives her flowers and helps around the house (although not a fact). And looking for himself. And sometimes work.
Over time, the ardor of the faithful cools down, and the keeper of the hearth does not feel like a keeper at all, but a driven horse. And he hears his hints that no one else needs you besides him ...
Not that he would deliberately build some kind of scheme, like the previous type. No. He's just plain lazy. Work, earn, achieve something, take responsibility. For what?
Such types are especially dangerous, because the victim can come to his senses only when there are two children in his arms and a mortgage behind his back. And, as you understand, bribes are smooth from him.
A caveat is needed here: different things happen in life, and a normal male earner is not immune from losing his job. But he won't stop until the issue is resolved.
And if material problems arise, he will turn to friends, the bank, parents, in the end, but not to a woman.
How to identify a male Alphonse at the dating stage?
In order not to become a victim of a gigolo, you need to know his distinguishing features. It's easy to do this over a few dates.
Typical signs:
He is courteous, helpful, attentive and gallant
In 99 out of 100 cases, these are professional caregivers, as I call them. They have no equal in the art of seduction.
He gives you stars from the sky, sings serenades under the window, opens doors, helpfully pulls up a chair, “understands very much” and can listen to your spiritual outpourings for hours, bestows wild flowers (others are expensive). Just a miracle man.
Very generous with words
And stingy with gifts. His eloquence is to be envied. Perhaps he will even quote the verses of a classic or write his own. In your honor.
"Money is not the main thing"
High feelings - that's what's important, he says. And he hates "selfish women who only want money." After all, love! By the way, not only gigolos speak about the commercialism of women, but all the rogues, covering up their male incompetence.
Listens carefully and doesn't say anything about himself
He will ask about the details of your life, and in response he will remain silent or laugh it off. As a result, he will know everything about you, including the place of work, the names of parents and friends, and you will know almost nothing about him.
Where he works, whether he works at all, where he lives is a mystery under seven locks.
Plans for the future immediately
To ingratiate himself, he will draw colorful pictures of your cloudless future, make global plans and promise you mountains of gold. Of course, only in words.
Respond evasively to a request for help
Like, yes, of course, I will help. But sometime later. And now we are so good together!
Don't mind the girl paying for it
An offer to treat a woman to coffee can even offend a normal man. But not Alphonse. Rather, he himself will report on one of the dates that he forgot his wallet and ask you to pay off "in debt."
After some time of your communication, he “suddenly” experiences terrible financial problems.
Of course, only a certain amount from you can save him, since he has no one else to count on. After all, you are close people (even if you see each other for the third time in your life).
And if by that time, God forbid, you are already living together, he will be depressed and sad to experience “troubled times” and wait for your moral and material support, put pressure on pity and maternal feelings and live at your expense.
Who is at risk?
Of course, there are women whom gigolos bypass the tenth road. Realizing that there is nothing to catch, they merge immediately. They are very perceptive and know the intricacies of female psychology.
Therefore, their victims are, first of all, girls with low self-esteem and a lack of male attention, in desperate need of moral support, affectionate warm words and understanding. But independent in everyday terms.
All that is required to give such a woman is a little affection, flattery and attention, hope for a bright common future - and she is yours.
At risk are all “wounded” souls, women with a difficult baggage of the past behind them, difficult breaks, maybe the death of a loved one, desperate to find their destiny, unsure of themselves. The probability of running into a gigolo also increases with an increase in the social status of a woman, prosperity.
The presence of a pronounced hyper-maternal instinct, when it is simply necessary to patronize someone, or with a life motto, also significantly increases the chances of getting into gigolo networks.
What to do to avoid falling for his bait?
trust yourself
Do not rush
Confess your love, open your soul, introduce you to relatives, live together and make plans, develop relationships. Watch the cavalier. If his intentions are insincere, he will pierce somewhere.
Don't talk about money
Be silent about your contributions, living conditions and movable and immovable property, and in general about something personal, especially in the early stages of acquaintance. Remember: happiness, goals and money love silence.
Ask questions
If you suspect that you have a gigolo in front of you, just ask a few clarifying questions. About his family, interests, earnings, life plans. If he is a gigolo, these questions will confuse him or force him to merge.
Ask for help
Ask for help, borrow money. By the reaction you will understand everything. Share a problem. A sincerely in love man will offer his help or begin to look for ways to solve problems.
Where do you work?
Another win-win option: when he asks, answer “nowhere.” Look at the reaction.
Boost your self-esteem
It's generally useful. If you know your worth and are confident in yourself, then not only gigolos, but also other manipulators and rogues will not be able to take you into circulation.
don't give money
Never, never, under any pretext, give a man money / in debt / as a gift! At all. Even if he really has problems, he will solve them without your participation. Or consult with you how to solve them.
Globally - don't get fooled by gigolos
Of course, there are women who consciously go for such a relationship and everything suits them. But there are those who are deceived and used.
Girls! Appreciate and love yourself, and stop saving men!