You had a wonderful day, and now you want your beloved to return home as soon as possible. You mentally imagine a wonderful evening that will end in the bedroom. You are thinking about this as you arrange glasses and candles on the table, and then the bell rings. Your partner does not share playful plans and from the doorstep reports a terrible day at work and nightmarish traffic jams. Almost in one gulp, he drinks the outstretched glass and falls on the sofa. All he wants now is a pillow and a TV remote control. A familiar picture, isn't it?

Most of the women interviewed said that when they themselves offer intimacy to a man and are rejected, it hurts self-esteem. At the same time, they are accustomed to thinking that the same situation is by no means so sharply perceived by the other side. This delusion rests on two stereotypes.

The first stereotype is that men need sex to a greater extent in order to feel good physically, and emotional connection is not so important to them. And if a man is rejected, then he suffers less, because all that he loses is the impossibility of immediate sexual satisfaction.

Men perceive the rejection of intimacy as a message: “my woman doesn’t want me anymore”

The second stereotype - the stronger sex - is the initiator of sexual contacts and in this game is always in the role of a "forward". The woman acts as a “protector”, and refusing for her is in the order of things. Thus, a man simply gets used to the fact that his claims can be rejected.

In fact, everything is exactly the opposite. It's hard to get used to being rejected. And since this happens more often with men, they sometimes suffer more. I surveyed men aged 30-60 years old, with a long-term relationship or family life experience (more than 14 years), and asked them if they had periods when attraction to a partner decreased or completely disappeared. Almost everyone confessed to me that their libido and sometimes their self-confidence suffered when they were denied sex for various reasons.

Here is what the respondents wrote:

“When you only offer to make love, and you are constantly answered “no”, although they find plausible excuses, this is very upsetting at first, and then gradually leads to depression. You start saying to yourself, “Something is broken, and it’s probably my fault.” (Alexander, 32 years old)

“If she doesn't want you, that means she's not interested in you. It touches something very important inside. I feel like she doesn't need me. Maybe it's not really true, but that's how I feel." (Mark, 42)

In other words, the men did not perceive the refusal as the unwillingness of the partner to make love right now. For them, this meant that the woman no longer wanted them. All respondents said that the regular rejection of the women they loved affected their confidence in relationships and self-esteem.

Many mentioned that the feeling of rejection affected their libido and they began to avoid physical relationships. “I'm a positive person, but when it comes to sex and you get rejected all the time, you can't take it lightly. It’s easier to push this topic and not think about it at all,” admits Boris, 51 years old.

When a man feels insecure, at the same time he stops “hearing” his partner

Men described their emotions in different words, but they always expressed one thing - it hurts to feel rejected. And in order to protect themselves, many begin to avoid sex themselves, outwardly not showing their former interest in this side of life. This is confirmed by a study by psychologist Emmy Mays from the University of Toronto (Canada).

The first two parts of it are devoted to how accurately partners read the signs inviting to sex and intimacy. Mays soon discovered an interesting pattern - there is something that unites men who ignored the non-verbal messages of their partners.

She did additional research that involved couples in long-term relationships. For three weeks, all participants were asked to keep a diary of sexual activity and rate the statement "I'm afraid that my partner will reject me" on a seven-point scale, ranging from "I don't really care" to "It's vital to me."

It turned out that on days when men were especially worried about being rejected, they were less able to identify the signals of sexual interest that their girlfriends sent them. In other words, when for various reasons they felt insecure, they simultaneously stopped “hearing” their partner, thereby giving up possible intimacy in advance.

It is only natural that we cannot want intimacy whenever a partner is in the mood. However, during my practice, I saw how relationships change in a couple when a man begins to talk about his feelings.

A woman hears that her words will hurt her loved one much more than she imagined, and, in turn, becomes more attentive. After all, instead of an irritably thrown “I’m tired and I don’t want to,” you can hug your partner with the words “Let's do it tomorrow” or “Let's just hug today, I really want to feel you around.” You will be surprised how much the relationship will win, you just have to start talking about it warmer and more tactfully.

Even with the most beautiful and attractive girl, this can happen - boyfriend's rejection of a serious relationship. It is hard after that to continue to communicate with him, because the refusal is perceived as an attempt to humiliate, insult, neglect feelings. How to communicate with a guy who refused you, how to find strength and desire for this?

Give yourself some time

Have you experienced stress when a guy rejected your love, therefore, first come to your senses, let the emotions subside. In the meantime, try not to see him for a few days. When you calm down, pain, resentment and anger will go away, then you can slowly begin to communicate.

The guy shouldn't be pointedly ignored. At first, you will experience pain not in your heart, every time you see the one who rejected your love, but over time, spiritual wounds will heal, and you will be able to more or less calmly stay in his company.

Life goes on

The fact that the guy refused you does not put an end to your future at all, does not mean that you are not worthy of the love of this person, that you cannot be admired. Find yourself new friends among men, communicate with them and it will heal your broken heart. It may turn out that you will start a romantic relationship with one of your new acquaintances. And the feelings will be mutual.

Do not cherish empty hopes

Sometimes it happens that a guy first refuses a girl in a serious relationship, but then he realizes that he did the wrong thing. However, this does not happen often, and therefore you should not cherish empty hopes. Do not try to seduce a failed boyfriend and do not take revenge on him. Do not spy on him, do not guard the tree when he leaves the entrance. Let him live his life. Of course, you can communicate in a friendly way, although at first it will be very difficult.

Don't discuss his rejection

With a friend, you can still talk about how the guy refused you in a relationship, discuss this issue. But if you decide to continue to communicate with this guy, don't bring up the topic of his rejection. Having started a conversation on this topic, you will regret it every time, believe me.

Since ancient times, a man has been a getter, a conqueror. Wooing a woman is a natural instinct. By nature, a man is loving. Ever since the very younger age, they begin to show themselves, show signs of attention to girls, give gifts, look for an approach to the person they like. Despite this similarity, everyone chooses their own paths for this. Some, at the sight of a beautiful lady, approach her and offer to get to know her directly, others invite her to drink coffee or tea, and still others - to go somewhere. Problems begin if they hear a refusal in response. Some men perceive this as a blow to their ego. After a refusal, someone stops showing initiative and meeting girls at all, someone perceives a soft refusal as a game and does not attach any importance to it, others react inadequately, can be rude to a woman or begin to humiliate her.

In any case, the reaction of a man directly depends on the behavior of women.

Reasons for rudeness

IN modern society People tend to take care of themselves only. Few people care about other people's feelings. Faced with a woman with high self-esteem, the guy begins to literally beg for affection. Time passes, courtship begins to bother, his nerves are on edge, and he has a surge of emotions. This is where the reproaches, insults and rudeness begin.

The wealth of the partner can also be the reason for this behavior. Not every man can endure a companion richer than himself. Trying to please, he does not find funds, is unable to fulfill all requests and is refused. The reaction is anger and rudeness.

It is not surprising, because the man wasted time and money to nowhere.

The inability to get a location for yourself is another reason for the rudeness that appears with the understanding that the lady preferred another man.

Sometimes it happens that the acquaintance was successful, signs of attention, flirting, the invitation is accepted, but the girl simply does not come to the meeting and does not pick up the phone. The man is indignant, because he was deceived. Yes, unfortunately, there are women who simply amuse their pride in this way. The rudeness of men in response to such an act can be forgiven.

The next reason for a man's violent behavior is emotional problems. Some men just take revenge on all the girls in a row for past failures. And each one just makes the situation worse.

In any case, whatever the motives for refusal, you should not react and respond with rudeness. You can review your behavior and change it. More experience, more chances of success. Perhaps another failure is a good push to move to a new level.

Advice 2: Why a woman refuses a serious relationship

You met a while ago, started spending time together, going on dates, and everything was very cute and exciting. And after a long courtship, it's time to build something big. But when the moment of the proposal to create a serious relationship came, she suddenly refused. Why are such situations not uncommon?

All the reasons for the girl's refusal can be divided into two groups: those that are in herself or in a man. But if suddenly such an incident happened in your life, do not be too lazy to find out from her what prevented you from moving on, because the inner world of a person may differ from others.

If the reasons are in a man

Today there are many infantile men. Outwardly, they seem self-confident, they dream of families, but in many actions a childish attitude slips. They are not yet quite mature enough to form strong alliances. Women like to meet with such representatives of the stronger half, but not everyone wants to get married or agree to a civil marriage. If a man is not ready to take full responsibility, then not every girl will dare to go further with him.

The presence of bad habits in a man can also be a reason for discord. If a person likes to drink, is fond of computer games or is very reckless, he can be a great conversationalist or even a lover. But it’s better not to talk about serious intentions, because dating or living together is not at all the same thing.

If a man is too demanding, this can also interfere. After all, not every woman is ready to quit her job for the sake of relationships, not everyone will sacrifice a career. Excessive jealousy can also be the cause. All serious relationships impose a number, and the lady is afraid of this.

If the reasons are in a woman

There are women who do not want to get married due to their temperament. They are very light and not ready to burden themselves with obligations. A serious relationship for them is a fetter that will interfere. But such people can be seen immediately, in their every action it is noticeable that you should not count on more. They are children in an adult body who have not grown up yet.

If a girl is in love with another man, then she will refuse to go further. Accepting courtship, having a good time is interesting for everyone, but it does not always lead to something more. She could do it to unwind, or maybe to cause jealousy. Or that other one does not look at her, it happens in different ways. But she will not connect her existence with someone for whom she does not have deep feelings.

It could also be the fear of a relationship. If you already had an experience when everything ended badly, then again it is very inconvenient to follow the same path. It may seem that everything will repeat itself again, that after some time there will be a separation, and it will be even more painful than last time. If this is the case, then everything can be fixed. Patience, careful attitude will help you forget about the pain experienced, the main thing is to convince the lady of the heart that everything will be completely different, everything will turn out fine.

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Why did he refuse?

What to do if the guy refused? First of all, you need to figure out under what circumstances the proposal was made and what it meant. If the refusal was received in response to an invitation to drink a cup of coffee together or go somewhere, then it is quite possible that the young man is really busy, and the refusal does not at all mean a fundamental unwillingness to communicate. If a young man refused to come home to a girl under the pretext of helping with a computer or some household chores, then it is obvious that he does not consider her as a valuable person either in terms of romantic aspirations, or even for friendships. For all men are by nature responsive and always happy to help a lady they like. If this is not so, then why make any contact with such a guy at all? In the case when a girl makes an unambiguous offer, suggesting the continuation of the evening in a horizontal position, there can be three reasons for refusal. The first - the guy is already connected with any relationship, and is not going to break the faith. This, of course, characterizes him extremely positively. You should not achieve a goal and try to destroy other people's relationships. The second option is that the guy is not interested in girls in principle because of his non-traditional sexual orientation. Perhaps this option would satisfy any young lady faced with male rejection.

When receiving a male refusal, as, by the way, in any other situation, the main thing is not to lose face. You need to make an effort on yourself and smile sweetly, hide your annoyance and try to smooth out the awkwardness that has arisen with an appropriate friendly joke. No barbs, frustrated mines or reproaches, otherwise the chances of communication in the future will drop to zero.

What to do in such a situation?

There is a third option for the true reason for the refusal. If a guy turned down a girl, it's quite possible that she's not attracted to him as a romantic or even sexual object. Yes, yes, and it happens. You should not deny the obvious, it is better to connect intuition, observation and common sense in order to understand whether a young man is experiencing or not. If it still doesn't, don't fret. In no case should this refusal affect the girl's self-esteem. Perhaps he has completely different preferences, and he likes the beauties from the BBW Show or glamorous barbies, suitable only for intimate relationships. In this case, the refusal can only be taken as a compliment to yourself.

It is also possible that the girl behaved too intrusively and decisively, and the young man, not accustomed to such an onslaught, hastened to retreat. Not all guys like it when a girl takes the initiative in a relationship, although they may argue the opposite. In this case, you should behave more subtle, more cunning. It is not at all necessary to directly propose to a man. You can present yourself in such a way that he himself asks for everything that a lady can think of. An interesting conversation, feminine, seductive (but by no means vulgar and depraved!) clothes, a friendly, radiant look, an attractive smile will charm any guy. And then he will definitely take the first step.

A man wants to be a conqueror, you should not deprive him of this privilege. Let him think that the date is his merit. If he does not reciprocate, this is not a reason to end the relationship. On the contrary, this is a good opportunity to think about self-improvement.

Small defeats on the love front should not be taken seriously. After all, they are often followed by a very successful rematch. In order to win in it, one must continuously develop and improve one's internal and external qualities. Can anyone refuse a radiant, well-groomed and positive-minded girl?

Men about girls who specifically "twist the dynamo". Possible consequences, what to do and how to behave correctly.

Why do women say "No!" – we have already found out. But what do men think about this? And in general about girls who specifically “twist the dynamo”? Several daredevils agreed to answer our candid interview.

See what came of it.

Our questions were answered:

Dmitry Medvedev, civil engineer, 25 years old.
Yuri Antoshin, artist, 27 years old.
Vadim Zharkov, PR-manager, 23 years old.
Maxim Lunin, photographer, 24 years old.

Have you ever heard “No!”? How did the girl motivate her refusal?

Dmitry: “If you want peace, prepare for war!!!” ... Sometimes it seems to me that this phrase is some kind of advice for a man: how to behave with a woman. I heard "NO" in my address - it was tough and specific, but because me and that charming girl were 15 years old, then, of course, it was all motivated as - “I don’t love you!”, as they say, simply and tastefully ...

Yuri: The motivation for the refusal was different:
- sometimes out of harm and from the desire to enjoy the emotional reaction of the one who was refused. Then it is best for a man to demonstrate complete indifference, tk. in this case, a violent emotional reaction is what she expects from you.
- sometimes because of some unknown complexes that grow from childhood or from adolescence.
- for reasons to show that "I'm not like that." Say "NO", but hint that "YES" will come later.
“NO” because I just didn’t like it.

Vadim: Of course, I had to. Basically, this happened when there was not enough experience (in her youth), and the girl was older, motivating parting with the fact that “you are still small”, unintelligent and stupid (but this, of course, is not so). With age and an increase in “experience in this area”, such things occurred less and less, but partings were still, of course, however, already on a different topic, more often in the incompatibility of characters and worldviews. And in general, I personally realized for myself that it’s better for a girl to tell you “NO” than you for her. If you have already decided for yourself that the girl is not interesting to you, and she is not for you, then in every possible way you need to convince her that you are not suitable for her either, so that the last word is hers! So it will be less painful in the first place for her! And the girl will assume that she left you and remained on top, but in fact the opposite is true.

Maxim: I had to ... As a rule, in such cases they don’t say anything at all. If it didn’t work out the first time, they limited themselves to mutual caresses and prepared each other for the second step ... In general, there are no girls who don’t give, there are guys who ask badly.

What are the consequences on your part of her refusal?

Dmitry: The consequences are terrible... Sleepless night and a state of shock... It's good that it was a long time ago and the only time in my life... The most important thing is to learn from such love mistakes... In the end, come up with a philosophy of love and develop it, experiment.

Yuri: The consequences, as well as the motivation for refusal, can be different.
- in case the refusal was “out of harm” - interest disappears immediately and forever.
- in case "NO" was said in connection with some unknown complexes - you must first decide whether the game is worth the candle and either continue courtship or immediately "back off".
- if a girl wants a relationship “with a perspective”, and now says “NO”, but at the same time hints that intimate relationships are still possible in the future, then, again, you should decide whether she likes her so much that continue grooming.
- if it was not possible to arouse due interest, then either try to interest her, or stop senseless attempts.

Vadim: The consequences after the refusal were different. At a young age, of course, all this was much more painful, and the sediment on the soul was for quite a long time. But if you think about it, nothing terrible happened! “People meet and part, but life goes on” - with these thoughts I went on boldly through life and accepted all subsequent partings with humor and a smile. Just not mine.

Maxim: Yes, no ... Dissatisfaction is the maximum, but it's not so scary and not a reason to sit and think about failure.

What should be done and how to behave correctly in order to never hear: “No!”?

Dmitry: No need to be a self-confident type, all steps along the path to "YES" must be done deliberately and easily. First, you need to make friends with a girl, make her your friend and, of course, be prepared for the fact that this friendship will lie like a dead weight between you and there will be no continuation that will lead to intimacy ...

Yuri: There are no instructions, and there is no ideal behavior for this. Probably, you can reduce to a minimum the possibility of getting rejected by the object of desire, if you are an oligarch, a rich prince, or a pop star, because. most girls will give themselves to such a lucky man for his material (and not only) qualities.

Vadim: I find it difficult to answer this question ... In order to never hear: “NO”, you must not meet anyone or find your one and only, so that she accepts you as you are. And adjusting to someone in order to seem better than you really are, I think it's stupid. After all, this “true face” of yours will show up sooner or later, and then everything can be much more complicated.

Maxim: Everything is purely individual here, the main thing is to improvise, and not be dull, be cheerful but not too much ... A little tired ... Do not bother ... Let the girl speak out ... You need to make it fun with you when the girl smiles - this is already huge " +" in your favor. After all, all these conversations are preliminary games before sex.

What do you think of girls (in general) who "twist the dynamo"?

Dmitry: What do I think about the girls who "twist the dynamo"?! Nothing good!!! Invite a hungry person, start cooking lamb skewers in front of him, put them on a plate, pour sauce over him, sprinkle herbs around and tell him: “What a delicious kebab! Bon appetit! But I think you won’t be able to try it!” And, smiling, you go to "brazenly" eat it. And what will a hungry and all “slobbering” person from the smell feel at that moment ?! I think that such girls are created only to be "dynamized" and not loved.

Yury: As for the “dynamo girls”, it is better to figure them out right away in order to avoid wasting time and money.

Vadim: I don't think anything positive about such girls. If you're bored, then these girls are just right. The brain will be washed out completely, the nerves will be fine, and as a result, nothing will come of it. Girls of this type are absolutely not suitable for a serious relationship. Everything in these relationships always comes down to one thing: “Sorry, it seems to me that we need to leave.” But, if you were able to bind this girl to yourself and change for the better (for yourself) side, then you are just a superman!

Maxim: I don't think about them, as a rule, you can immediately see what they need. "Such" go for a walk in their boutiques further.

So, as we see from the survey, no one likes “dynam girls” and the guys try to figure them out right away. As for the answer “NO”, then men will stop at nothing if they really like the girl and sunk into their hearts. They believe that this “NO” is just a bridge to a new stage in their relationship, when she finally says “YES”. If their feelings are mutual, this will definitely happen.