As paradoxical as it sounds, not every woman looks really feminine, although many strive for this. If you think that you also lack this quality, then if you wish, you can acquire it!
What should be a feminine girl (woman)
How to look to be feminine
As you know, before starting a conversation with a stranger, we make the first conclusions about him in appearance and manner of dressing. In general, even a cursory glance at a girl, one can understand whether she is feminine or not. So what are the top criteria?
Figure, hair, skin
In general, general well-being is important. A feminine and self-loving girl does not neglect the care of her hair, skin and figure. This means that you should not have split ends, undyed hair roots or a dirty head. Your hair should shine with health and beauty. If it is difficult for you to maintain long hair in perfect shape, then you need to make a shorter haircut - no matter how long the hair is, they should look well-groomed.
In relation to the figure, do not allow the appearance of excess weight - play sports and eat right. Undoubtedly, there are many attractive girls who, according to general criteria, are overweight, but at the same time they look beautiful, feminine and spectacular - this happens if the proportions are observed. If you just have clearly visible sides and stomach, and at the same time there is no hint of a magnificent bust and hips, then this is hardly attractive. It is also important to prevent the appearance of cellulite - in especially advanced cases, it can be noticeable even through clothing!
Of course, pay attention to the condition of the skin, not only on the body, but also on the face. If you notice pimples or blackheads, then do not try to mask them first with tonal means. The skin needs to be treated so as not to start the process, and then not to get even more problems against this background. Definitely go to a dermatologist.
Makeup and style in clothes
1) With makeup, it is important not to overdo it and apply it in accordance with the situation - during the day it should be barely noticeable, in the evening more colors are acceptable. Choose colors according to your color type. For example, a tonal remedy should in no case be conspicuous or look like a “mask”. Choose it together with a consultant or a good makeup artist. In general, pay attention to makeup courses. Many girls are convinced that they are great at applying makeup, but often this is just a subjective opinion.
Perhaps you are categorically against makeup, believing that by doing this you only spoil your skin. However, in this case, you should not neglect facial care - buy at least a tonic and cream suitable for your skin type. Take time to care for your lips - use balms regularly. Follow the shape of the eyebrows - you can entrust this matter to the master, or periodically remove the extra hairs yourself.
2) Don't follow the latest fashion trends. Of course, it is important to have at least a little understanding of fashion in order not to look ridiculous, but do not wear what does not suit you. If you see that skinny trousers categorically do not suit you, then you should not put on them, no matter how fashionable they are. Give preference to dresses - trying on a lot of styles, you will surely be able to find the one that suits you perfectly. Well, and, of course, you should not even remind that dresses, like skirts, are the most feminine item of clothing.
You should also pay attention to shoes and accessories. Choose sophisticated models of calm and delicate colors. Do not forget about good perfumes - you should not smell expensive fragrances from a mile away, but it will be good if the people next to you smell a slight smell of some pleasant perfume coming from you.
How real women act
openness
Be friendly and open. Of course, this does not mean that you should throw out all the information about yourself to the first person you meet, but also try to forget about excessive cutesy. Talk to people as if they were your good friends - make sure that your tone does not sound haughty or sullen. After talking with you, people should have a pleasant impression.
Sincerity and modesty
Being open, it is important to remain modest and tactful. Do not load the interlocutor with unnecessary information if he does not show much interest in the chosen topic of conversation. If a person is interested in some question that you know, and does not cross all personal boundaries, then try to give him the most sincere answer, without letting on too much mystery. Also, do not try to be the center of attention, drowning out everyone around you with your stories. Sometimes it helps to prove yourself to be a good listener rather than a good storyteller.
Behavior
The manner of behavior in the first place should not be defiant. Ladies are associated with femininity, and if you want to develop this quality in yourself, then you should feel and behave exactly like a lady. If you know that you have a loud voice, then watch how you speak - your speech should be calm and confident. Note that many people are annoyed by loud voices, but the sense of tact does not always allow them to say so. Also, do not speak too quietly or almost in a whisper, forcing people to listen to you - this may only be appropriate on an intimate date.
How to develop your femininity
Accept yourself and love
Treat yourself with love and care. There are no perfect people, and you don't have to be either. You may have flaws, but absolutely everyone has them. If it seems to you that a person is perfect, then it means that he simply learned to hide his imperfections, or his ideality is only your subjective opinion. Try to improve yourself, but do not demand too much from yourself. Indulge yourself more often with small pleasant purchases, interesting trips and meetings with your loved ones - this will allow you to be in a positive mood more often. Try not to get upset over trifles and not take problems to heart in communication - learn to take life lightly.
Daily self care
No matter how your day develops, do not forget that your body and face need daily care. A woman should not forget about such obvious things as brushing her teeth, washing her hair, waxing, manicures, pedicures, removing makeup, moisturizing the skin. As we have already found out, a feminine girl is, first of all, a well-groomed girl. It is also important to remember that many men are visuals, and they are likely to notice all your shortcomings right away, although it may seem to you that guys do not pay attention to such “little things” as, for example, manicure.
Lead a healthy lifestyle
The consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle, as a rule, always leave their mark on the appearance of a woman. If you smoke, then it burns that sagging skin awaits you, not always pleasant breath, plaque on your teeth, an unpleasant smell in the apartment or from clothes, and, first of all, undermined health. Try to fight your bad habits, making every effort for this.
go in for sports
Sport has a positive effect on health and appearance. By exercising regularly, you will always keep yourself in good shape and gain a toned figure. Choose classes that make you feel most comfortable. Someone is more suitable for strength training in the gym, someone prefers to swim in the pool, and someone likes jogging in the park. Determine what suits you best.
Develop good manners and habits
In adulthood, it is not so easy to learn good manners if they are not instilled from childhood. However, "difficult" does not mean "impossible". You can find a lot of specialized literature on this topic online and in bookstores, which will help you learn the rules of etiquette and tell you about good manners. You can watch videos on the Internet on this topic. Also, make good habits - drink a glass of water in the morning, do exercises, write down all your plans in a diary and much more.
Sort out your wardrobe and develop your own style
Any woman can radically change and attract attention just by finding her own style. It is worth noting that for many it has not changed for years - women buy the same things from year to year, and make up about the same wardrobe that they had five or ten years ago. Try to look for your unique style, try on things in stores that you usually pass by.
Grow, Learn, Read
Engage in self-development, so you will have more topics for communication with different interlocutors, and in general you will be aware of many life issues, which can subsequently have a positive effect on your personal experience. It's never too late to learn something new. Currently, there are many courses, master classes and open lessons that you will not find it difficult to attend. If you prefer to avoid crowds of people once again, then in the era of the Internet this is not a problem - you have the opportunity to master many master classes or read a good book without leaving your home.
Watch your speech and facial expressions
Record a video of your conversation with a friend. Try not to "play for the camera", talk as usual. View the received record, and evaluate your facial expressions from the outside - do you frown too often, make a face. In general, it is advisable to avoid such emotions on the face - they are unlikely to color you.
To be a feminine girl, a corresponding appearance is not enough. Femininity is manifested in the treatment and conversations with strangers and well-known people. The words should not contain any aggression, anger and, in general, any negativity. Be polite and friendly with people - this attracts attention and only benefits the woman.
How to learn to be feminine with a man
Show him that you are weak and fragile
If you want to be feminine for your man, then you should not demonstrate your leadership qualities to him, and show him once again, then you are able to understand many issues better than him. So you enter the path of rivalry with your lover, and your goal is to show him that you need protection and support.
Let him do all the man's work
Even if you yourself are able to nail a nail, fix a TV, chop wood for a fire, you should not demonstrate it. Let the man express himself. Let him feel needed and irreplaceable next to you. Some women initially take on too many responsibilities, and as a result, their partners get used to this state of affairs and completely relax. It is important for a man to be in good shape, and helping the chosen one contributes to this in the best possible way.
Give thanks and praise
Whatever a man does for you, thank him for his help. Even if it is some trifle, and in fact you believe that it does not deserve special attention at all, your beloved will be pleased if you mark his merits. Such behavior will become for him an additional motivation and incentive for new achievements. If he remembers that any of his help and participation resonates with you and gives him positive emotions, he will strive for this again.
Be gentle, smile
It is quite difficult for a gloomy girl to look feminine, even if she is dressed flawlessly. Femininity is generally associated in people with kindness, inner light, tenderness. All these qualities are important to develop in yourself. Be friendly, polite and friendly with people - this will undoubtedly have a positive effect on your image.
Don't raise your voice and don't swear
The feminine person does not swear and does not hysteria. If she doesn’t like something, she becomes sad or even tries to get out of the conflict situation. Even if you find yourself in an unpleasant situation, and your interlocutor or interlocutors behave indecently, do not stoop to this level - try to "save face" and not move on to unnecessary squabbles.
Be a woman of mystery
It is important to be able to maintain this line - between openness and mystery. Be sincere with people, but leave a slight trail of mystery - it should not be too much, but a little intrigue will never hurt a real woman.
A worthy woman through the eyes of a man
What kind of women are most attracted to by men?
Men most often pay attention to women with certain qualities. Note that we can not talk about all the qualities listed below, but about individual or their overwhelming number.
beauty
It is perhaps difficult to argue with the fact that predominantly men are individuals who are said to be “loved with their eyes”, and it just so happened that many of them really like beautiful women. It is also important to clarify that each of them has their own idea of what a “beautiful woman” should be like - someone likes miniature skinny women, someone is crazy about tall and stately ladies. In general, there can be many variations.
Sexuality
Of course, a man will always pay attention to a sexy woman - it is important not to confuse with vulgarity! Sexuality can manifest itself in many ways - in the timbre of the voice, the graceful figure, the bend of the shoulders, the look, the wave of the eyelashes, the manner of speaking, and so on.
Kindness
There is no doubt that the representatives of the stronger sex like kind girls. In their potential companion, most men almost immediately begin to see the future mother of their children, and what should a mother be like in the understanding of many people? Affectionate, kind, understanding.
Naturalness
Of course, vulgarly dressed women attract the attention of not only men, but also women and children, but guys really like, as a rule, completely different persons. You are more likely to meet a decent man if you go out not with "war paint", but with a neutral and neat make-up.
Ease of character
Nobody likes nerds, and, of course, men are no exception. The ideal woman, in their opinion, cannot be boring or grumpy - sometimes you don’t want to return home to such people. A man expects support and understanding from his life partner, and with a difficult character, this is not so easy to provide.
Thrift
Many men appreciate the comfort of the house and delicious food, and, of course, they like women who are able to provide this or strive for it. If a young man inadvertently finds out that you know how to cook complex and tasty dishes, then most likely your chances of attracting his attention will increase significantly.
Mysteriousness
This is not about secrecy, but some kind of easy intrigue. It can also show up in appearance. For example, a woman constantly wears hairstyles that imply collected hair, and a man involuntarily begins to fantasize about how she looks with her hair down. It can also refer to the past. For example, when asked about how a woman spent her vacation, she kindly answers with a slight smile: “Oh, I’ll tell you about this another time.” That is, it should be understood that nothing terrible is hidden - on the contrary, there was some interesting case in her life. However, it is also important not to overdo it.
Feminine women are always surrounded by attention, and there is nothing surprising in the fact that from time to time some men want to see them in the status of their spouse. It is very important not to lose this quality by entering into marriage. Take care of your femininity so that in the eyes of your spouse you always look like a fragile and tender person who you don’t want to offend or hurt with something, but who you will want to protect. If you have a grumpy disposition and a lively character, then this will somewhat reduce the chances of a caring attitude from your spouse.
Almost any man hopes that at home, after the hardships of a working day, a safe harbor will await him, and usually only a truly feminine life partner can provide it. It is no secret that the atmosphere that will prevail in her family and home depends to a greater extent on a woman. If there is enough wisdom and positive female energy in the "shore of the hearth", then her family will feel peaceful and happy next to her.
Secrets of the femininity of the first ladies
Raisa Gorbacheva
For many people, the first ladies of the country are more often associated with femininity. In the Soviet Union, it was Gorbachev's wife. If the previous first ladies of the country did not particularly think about how to look spectacular and elegant, then for Raisa Maksimovna this was very important - she did not get lost against the backdrop of Western wives of heads of state. The wife of Mikhail Sergeevich was a slender woman who tried to dress elegantly, despite the fact that there was not a particular variety of outfits in the country. Despite the fact that she could afford dresses and suits from foreign designers, Gorbacheva preferred to sew outfits in domestic ateliers. So the limited choice did not bother the president's wife at all, because having good taste, you can always rely on the help of a good tailor.
Jacqueline Kennedy
The wife of John F. Kennedy managed to gain a foothold in the memory of the public no less than he himself. Jacqueline was very popular during the years of her life, and remains in the memory of many fashionistas to this day. The thing is that she was considered a real icon of style and elegance, and many girls still continue to follow her taste. It is difficult to say that Jacqueline was by nature a recognized beauty, but she managed to ensure that no one paid attention to her shortcomings, because she competently beat them, turning them into virtues. Mrs. Kennedy was never afraid to "stand out from the crowd" and show her personality. She liked exquisite headdresses, a bold combination of colors. She preferred strict and concise outfits that fit perfectly on her figure. Jacqueline also understood how important it was not to overdo it with jewelry, so she avoided excessiveness in this matter - she put on a necklace, earrings, bracelets, etc. only when, in her opinion, it was really appropriate.
So what is femininity?
Of course, many girls have heard that young people like feminine girls. Representatives of the strong half of humanity, answering the question: “What features attract you most in girls when you think of them as future life partners?”, More and more often put femininity in one of the first places.
But, firstly, when interpreting this concept, the guys, and the girls themselves, also show significant disagreements - neither one nor the other most often has any clear idea of \u200b\u200bwhat femininity is. And secondly, girls, wanting to be equal with young people in everything, equality is very often misunderstood - as sameness. This is what needs to be debunked in the first place.
It is easier to talk about femininity, as they say, from the contrary. Let's try to define what unfemininity is.
Often girls do not understand that the equality of women and men does not mean their sameness at all. Nowadays, many girls walk around in trousers or jeans, and smoke, and drink wine on an equal footing with men, and disgusting swearing goes past their ears, and they don’t notice rudeness.
Unfemininity has many faces. Here, for example, is a girl of about twenty-seven, graceful and beautiful, always tastefully dressed, smart, with a good profession. Unmarried and never been married. Where are the men looking? It turns out they are still watching. But one has only to talk to her: in every judgment - sharpness, directness, clearly formulated "truth in the eye." And how brilliantly witty and caustic! Sometimes it will “shave off” so much that you want to fall through the ground! No, not rude at all, just not in the eyebrow, but in the eye. But not all men, apparently, want to listen to the “truth in the eye” about themselves, and from elegant wit they are shuddering. Should they be condemned for this? No, it’s not worth it: everyone wants the woman he meets to be gentle, affectionate, able to understand, sympathize with a loved one from the heart and even present the impartial truth to him somehow inoffensively, friendly.
It turns out that there is no femininity - there is no female attractiveness? You see, these two concepts are linked together.
Sometimes a girl - active, energetic, feeling sympathy for a young man and remembering that a woman is now equal in rights, acts, so to speak, in "male" ways. For example, a girl approached a guy and said: “I love you, let's meet!” The young man mumbled something like “come on”, but he was afraid to come to the first date. Apparently, the girl's straightforwardness and excessive determination in such a delicate area do not attract, but rather scare away. It's somehow unfeminine.
So what is femininity? This, obviously, is, first of all, gentleness in handling and sensitivity, a subtle ability to understand another, share his worries and selflessly help. This is usually greater than in men, emotionality, allowing a woman to more openly show her warmth and attention to others. This is the eternal female need for spiritual contacts, and the ability to establish them. And even shyness, from which some girls suffer so much. The whole set of such beautiful female features is the concept of "femininity".
By the way, the natural inclinations of girls allow them to be exactly feminine. But the trouble is that often girls do not appreciate these traits in themselves, they are embarrassed and try to overcome them. And there are plenty of ways to "fight" with femininity.
Often, girls, due to a misunderstanding of equality with young men, strive to keep up with them in nothing, to erase all differences. And in particular, they begin to smoke ... Many articles have been written and lectures have been given about the dangers of smoking, especially for a girl, a woman - a future mother. This is all true, but, unfortunately, it does not always work. A smoking girl is not attractive to many men; she looks unfeminine in their eyes. But the girl herself considers a cigarette a sign of modernity and independence, a tempting means to achieve ease of communication.
It's the same with drinking. If in a company guys pour themselves wine, it does not occur to every girl that it is necessary to lag behind the male sex. Yes, yes, stay behind! “And why are we girls worse?” Not worse, just different! And it is not with their dashing in drinking that women win the hearts of men.
You need to understand that by their behavior, by their femininity or, conversely, by their unfemininity, girls actually bring up guys.
If you want, it's like an unwritten duty - to be feminine! To be feminine so that a man can be masculine. Girls tend to mature faster than guys their age. They take a closer look at human relationships. And from this point of view, it is natural and necessary that it is the girl who, to some extent, manages the relationship with the young man, of course, gently, tactfully, and non-persistently. And again, only feminine girls succeed in this.
The word "supervised", of course, should not be taken literally. Unfortunately, the habit of some girls to command is already formed at school. But how difficult it will be for a girl if she transfers the acquired decisive, commanding style of communication to her relationships with young men, and then in her family with her husband. Sharp, domineering, unkind wives-"leaders" who decide all family issues on their own and at the same time resent the indecisiveness of today's men - the misfortune of not so few families and, perhaps, the main cost of non-femininity.
At all times, it was the behavior of a woman that primarily determined the emotional mood in the family. Whether the tone of the behavior of family members will be affectionate or rude, gentle or noisy, calm or irritable, soft or harsh - all this largely depends on the woman. And it is much easier for a feminine woman to establish a warm, sincere microclimate in the family.
And raising children! Isn't the femininity of the mother to do with it at all?! After all, children very often copy the behavior of their parents. And if the mother is feminine - in the sense, as we said above, there is a high degree of probability that the daughter will be the same. Indeed, with the feminine mother of the daughter, it is warm, calm, sincere. One can hope that the daughter will try to maintain this style of communication with her friends, and then with her husband and children in her own family.
But what if a son is raised? He does not seem to need to grow up feminine ... On the contrary, it's bad. He needs to become courageous: decisive, courageous, firm, self-possessed. It turns out that a feminine mother succeeds in such upbringing better. The son will grow up - and he will definitely want to take on a share of responsibility and care in the family, he will want to protect, protect his affectionate, vulnerable, feminine mother from troubles. And if the mother is only a stern commander in the family, we do not think that this will help her raise a real man from her son. Rather, she will suppress his independence, bring him up timid and insecure.
A common argument against femininity is the "male" occupations of women. Say, how to be feminine if you work as a concrete worker, an electric welder? But you never know them, traditionally not at all female professions! But after all, femininity is about relationships with people, and the machines with which you have to work have nothing to do with it. If you want, you can be quite feminine in any profession.
It is just as easy to imagine a woman who is a woman's profession - well, say, a teacher or a kindergarten teacher - and at the same time sharp, quarrelsome, unfriendly, that is, completely unfeminine.
Now they say a lot that femininity disappears in girls, and this means that one of the features disappears, for which a girl is most loved. Is it possible to bring up this quality in yourself if it has not been brought up since childhood?
Here is a justified reproach to the parents: "... if they were not brought up from childhood." Parents should pay sufficient attention to the education of femininity in their daughters - no less than their mental, physical and moral development. Moreover, femininity is, after all, an organic part of the spiritual image of a girl. It will be very good if the parents themselves understand what this concept includes and how to educate it, and they will talk to their daughters and help them grow up feminine, attractive.
a set of specific features of human thinking and behavior, characteristic of the development of women.
In psychoanalysis, femininity is considered primarily in terms of identifying the mental consequences of the anatomical difference between the sexes, revealing the characteristics of female psychology.
The emergence of psychoanalysis is largely due to the therapeutic treatment of female patients (the cases of Anna O., Katharina, Emmy von N., Lucy R., Elisabeth von R., Dora, etc.). However, despite the fact that it was women who constituted a significant contingent of patients, nevertheless, psychoanalytic ideas and concepts had a "male orientation", that is, they proceeded from S. Freud's ideas about the development of children and male adults. On this occasion, K. Horney, in the article “Escape from Femininity” (1926), wrote that psychoanalysis is the creation of a male genius, those who developed his ideas were men, their orientation towards male psychology is quite natural and logical, and there is nothing surprising in that that "the development of men is more clear to them than the development of women."
With the development of psychoanalytic theory and practice, Z. Freud had to turn to the consideration of the problem of femininity and the specifics of the psychology of women. This was reflected in his works such as The Death of the Oedipus Complex (1924), Some Psychic Consequences of the Anatomical Difference Between the Sexes (1925), On Female Sexuality (1931), and A New Series of Lectures on Introduction to Psychoanalysis. (1933), where one of the lectures was titled "Femininity".
Traditional psychology considered masculine and feminine as mental qualities, transferred the concept of bisexuality to mental life, correlated masculine with activity, and feminine with passivity, and tried to explain why in one case a person behaves like a man, and in another - like a woman. From the point of view of Z. Freud, such a vision of male and female is a concession to anatomy, does not carry any new knowledge and is not, in fact, psychological. It is possible to characterize femininity psychologically as a preference for passive goals, which is not the same as passivity, but this characterization is also limited. As Z. Freud noted, "we must pay attention to the inadmissibility of underestimating the influence of social foundations, which, as it were, drive a woman into a situation of passivity." What is important and essential is the particularly strong connection between "femininity and sex life", the connection that became the main object of study in classical psychoanalysis.
Z. Freud did not claim to understand female psychology. He proceeded from the fact that psychoanalysis does not answer the question of what a woman is, but explores how she becomes one and develops from a child predisposed to bisexuality. In his opinion, the early phases of psychosexual development proceed in the same way in both sexes, but later differences are found. In the phallic phase of the girl, the clitoris is the leading zone, and with the transition to femininity, it completely or partially cedes its sensitivity to the vagina.
The founder of psychoanalysis believed that, having discovered the absence of a penis, a girl begins to experience a feeling of inferiority, she develops “envy of the penis” and a desire to have a child from her father, while there is a weakening of the tender attitude towards the mother, accompanied by jealousy on the basis of rivalry for the father as object of love. Due to the castration complex, the Oedipus complex arises in the girl, while in the boy the latter is destroyed under the influence of the former, that is, the fear of castration. Moreover, the discovery by the girl of her castration opens up three directions for her further development: the suppression of sexuality or neurosis; change of character in the sense of a complex of masculinity; the formation of femininity. The last direction of development corresponds to the destiny of a woman, however, the formation of mature femininity may be disturbed by the residual effects of the infantile stages of development.
Z. Freud attributed to femininity "a higher degree of narcissism, which affects her choice of object, so that being loved for a woman is a stronger need than loving." In addition, he believed that in the physical vanity of a woman the effect of envy of the penis is reflected, and in her modesty - the original intention to hide the defect of the genitals. Finally, he believed that a woman around the age of thirty is often characterized by mental rigidity, as if the difficult development on the path to femininity had exhausted the possibilities of personality. The latter psychic feature of mature femininity leads to difficulties in psychoanalytic treatment, even if the analyst manages to eliminate the painful symptoms by resolving the neurotic conflict.
Z. Freud's ideas about femininity and its mental characteristics served as an impetus for further research on this issue. Some psychoanalysts have criticized his views on femininity and, based on clinical observations, have come to different conclusions. K. Horney (1885-1952) put forward provisions according to which the feeling of inferiority in a little girl is not primary, the rejection of femininity is not due to envy of the penis, the desire to have a child has deep biological roots, we can talk not only about the clitoris, but also about early vaginal arousal, that is, from the very beginning, the vagina plays its own sexual role. These provisions were expressed by her in the articles "Escape from femininity" (1926) and "Restrained femininity: the contribution of psychoanalysis to understanding the problem of frigidity" (1926/27). Based on these ideas and on observations of infants, many psychoanalysts have come to the conclusion that girls have a primary femininity.