CHILD'S TEMPERAMENT

Overactive child

This is a naughty and restless child. The two main problems of such children are motor

activity and inattention. These problems appear almost from the third month of life.

Within reasonable limits, these qualities are inherent in many children under 3 years of age and are the key to good

physical development and flexibility of thinking. Of course, the limits of normality are difficult to define.

It is necessary to evaluate behavior objectively, since these qualities, taken to the extreme, become

a serious problem. In infancy, “little ones” torment their parents by not settling down

sleep, especially since many people become overactive in the evening and at night. In preschool

age - injuries and misfortunes that alternate endlessly. At school they have constant

conflicts, they get into fights more often, lose money and things, in general, they commit completely

inexplicable actions. It has been noticed that many of them are noisy, but even if these children are silent, then

You have to wait for trouble every minute. Noisy in excess of feelings, screaming, gesturing, fussing

wringing hands in infancy. Although such a child gets acquainted with the world faster, this knowledge

shallow, random. This makes parenting difficult.

The impulsiveness of these kids is also a serious problem. They can act

works nervous system. Undoubtedly, the “living people” need help. The nature of this

hyperdynamic temperament. But this is most often accompanied by errors of upbringing,

which lead to abnormal behavior. Spoiled, uncontrollable, disobedient -

this prevents the baby from developing properly. And here all responsibility falls on you,

parents.

There are two ways to raise such a child:

1) together with the child, a close adult should go along the path of knowledge, ready to explain

the child’s behavior is incorrect and make sure that the child corrects himself (asks for forgiveness,

collected toys, etc.);

2) limit the child’s motor activity: if he scatters toys, leave him next to

them until it is removed. The main thing is not to distract the child from the conflict.

Inhibited child (“mattress”)

These are quiet children, slow in their movements and in their reactions to the events that surround them.

They are born this way and it is not a disease. Such a child can be born in any family. IN

In the first months he may lag behind in development. If these children are not helped, then the harsh pace of life will

may have a negative impact on their character. Therefore, we must try to do everything for them

possible. And again, first of all, parents should do this.

Most often, the “mattress” is an obedient child. If he is offered any business, the baby will

to do it for a long time due to his nature, but he will still feel, maybe a little later,

fatigue from monotonous work. And here you need to seize the moment and change your occupation, interest

child with something else. And so it is gradually necessary to expand the circle of communication with objects, and

then with peers, with people unfamiliar to him. If you don't do this from the very early

age, then you will grow up to be a lethargic, dull, overweight, indifferent teenager. They think so

psychologists advise organizing the child’s life, starting from the first year, so that he participates

in some events. And it doesn’t matter whether these events are big or important or not.

You can also show contrasting feelings in front of your child and it is not necessary that they be

directed at him. Try to awaken in your child a joyful feeling from the work done,

from communication. This will be a stimulant for emotional development child. Need to create

the possibility of contact with peers, but we must avoid ridicule and conflicts that could

injure the baby.

We must also try to teach the child in kindergarten and school to be active.

The “mattress” will not develop independent activity, especially since it is necessary to encourage even the rudiments

in a variety of ways - from praise to toys, everything will go into action.

Of course, these characteristics are of an extreme kind, and children most often have something of both “mattress” and

"live". But one type is sure to predominate, so we advise you to figure out what your type is.

baby, because knowledge, as you know, is power.

At 8-10 months the baby begins to crawl, and this is a favorable time for the baby’s development

creative abilities.

Since it is very important for a child to explore the entire world around him, at this moment it is worth

refuse the playpen. Of course, there are circumstances when a playpen is necessary (for example,

if you are away for a while). But don't overuse it. Moreover, in the opinion

pediatricians, a baby on the floor will learn to fall, and this is one of the most important skills. And remember: ordinary

Falling to the floor is safe for the child. In a small person, the body is adapted to

fall. You should only make sure that the baby does not fall from a great height.

From 10-11 months, the child must be introduced to the dangers. But this must be done wisely, not

injuring the baby. The word “impossible” will be clear to him much later, but here is a serious answer to

the desire to reach out and take out a hot kettle: “Careful, it will be hot!” It will hurt!” -

important and necessary. And even if the child does touch the hot kettle, treat the little one

the burn will not be too severe, but with your help he will learn to be careful.

By the same age, the child is already able to experience joy, sympathy, and show desire.

“help”, imitate elders. This desire must be supported, allowed to do something

simple, don’t play: fold the pieces of paper, wipe the table. And let nothing happen at first

It will work out, but it will help to develop emotionally, the child will be open to the world.

“Sparkle” (from 1 to 2 years)

This can be called a child 1-2 years old. At this time, the first thinking skills arise in him.

creatures. He begins to think, relate one thing to another, rejoice and be sad, sympathize and

be in love. Therefore, the main thing during this period is not to extinguish interest. Do not accidentally, accidentally touch this

openness to the world, a lot now depends on it.

Curiosity, inquisitiveness, desire to act with a lot of toys and

objects, the desire to learn and think about it - everything should be noticed by adults, should be

be encouraged. It is necessary to organize the child’s life so that his interest in the world does not fade away.

Toys are absolutely necessary, but it is not at all necessary that there be a lot of them. Main -

diversity. With the help of dolls, a set of dishes, furniture, etc., the child can depict actions

adults, with the help of balls, hoops, cars, carts, etc., organize outdoor games.

Toys for assembly and disassembly (matryoshka dolls, pyramids), materials for construction (construction set,

cubes, mosaics), as well as shovels, buckets will help you learn how to perform a number of useful tasks

future action.

“Simple toys are the best,” says Dr. B. Spock. Children usually study more often

simple toys, and don’t worry that you don’t have enough money for expensive ones. For example,

a train made of blocks is more interesting for a child than “ Railway”, and even if he breaks it - not so

scary. Moreover, they do not sink in water, so they can become a ship. By one and a half years

The child happily puts one object into another. Therefore, my favorite toy is

box on wheels. Also interesting are ordinary soft toys - bears, bunnies, etc.: they

you can feed, put to bed, etc.

In order for cognition with the help of toys to be deep and versatile, it is impossible that

a large number of them came into contact with the child’s eyes, as the baby quickly becomes bored with them. Toys

need to be changed.

Tip No. 1, basic. Several times a day, engage in play with your child, as he will be alone.

clearly bored, and the toys lose their purpose. A timely hint, even a simple one

attention to the game encourages the child to take new actions. This helps him be more successful

mental development.

Already in the second year of life, the baby needs picture books. At first you will consider

them together so that he can learn to treat them well. Hang pictures above your child's bed

so that when he wakes up, he sees colorful drawings.

You can also involve your baby in simple housework, such as wiping and

putting away washed spoons. And even if he does it ineptly, there is real help from him.

action is not too great, you still need to try to include the baby in homework.

You cannot drive a child away, even if he really is in the way. Expressions: “You will smear more than

wash it up” or “You’ll get all dirty, go away,” extinguish his interest and curiosity.

It’s better to find acceptable actions for the baby: “Bring a rag, we’ll wash the floor.” Teach and

encourage your child. Try to answer most of his questions, and in such a way that

he understood.

Tip #2. Even if you are tired, irritated, and your baby demands an answer, try to calm down and

answer or switch the child’s attention to something else.

Remember that your answers develop an inquisitive mind, a desire to learn, understand, and understand. When

If you answer him, you make it clear that explaining something is important for you too. The makings of future

heart-to-heart conversations - that’s what answers to children’s questions now look like.

In the second and third years, perceptual and mental actions develop quite quickly.

actions. If in the breast period the baby’s mental life was unified,

undifferentiated character, then it is now quite clearly visible: your child visually examines

an object, its properties, solves a mental problem, for example, how to take a favorite toy from a shelf.

But it is not yet possible to single out individual mental processes: memory, attention, imagination. They are still

are involuntary.

At the beginning of the second year of life, the child gets to know his friends and family well. Even if he saw

They are only a few days old, their image remains in memory. The baby is also able to remember that

it was a week ago. He begins to navigate in space, that is, he notices how and where

objects are located in the house, how many rooms are in it, etc. When going outside, he can find

a place where he constantly plays.

In the third year, he can already find a place where he lives, if you are close to home, also

can remember distant events (in winter he talks in detail about how he went with his dad to

fishing).

Talking with your child about what happened in the past and will happen in the future (“We will go with

you on the bus. Do you remember how the bus travels?”), you develop his figurative memory and horizons.

During the second year of life, the child spends much longer playing with toys (3SM minutes), and

if an adult joins the game, then even longer. Now it is difficult to tear him away from what interested him

affairs. Keeping your child busy with something else that doesn’t interest him is also very difficult. Therefore it is necessary

try to involve the child in different games so that it is useful for him and develops in a variety of ways.

But you can’t force, coerce, because you can discourage your child’s interest in doing this for a long time

At the same time, the child’s imagination begins to develop. The stick becomes a horse, the chair becomes

by car. But this imagination still needs external objects, without them a child is nothing.

can't imagine. From which it follows that the child’s imagination and perception are at the second level.

year of life is developed, but imperfectly. The baby needs help!

Tip #3- offer your child toys that would teach him to distinguish objects by color and

shape as well as size. These are pyramids, cubes, balls, etc. In early childhood, the size of the toy and

color could not yet have any meaning. By one year, the baby distinguishes colors, but with signs

they are not one or the other object for him. Therefore, the child does not pay attention to

rings of different colors. For now they are everything to him - rings that can be rolled and put on a rod.

In order to teach your baby to navigate the colors of objects, it is useful to offer to choose from

two objects of different colors, the one that matches the sample.

The next game presents a more difficult challenge. Take two sheets of paper of different colors 20 x

20 cm. Cut out a triangle or circle in the center. We give the cut out figures to the child. He must

Insert the figurine into the hole according to the color. An adult will be able to name colors, but a baby

it is enough to demand that he say in words whether it is the same color or a different one, since the name

The child has not yet mastered colors. Colors must be contrasting (green - red,

White blue). And then less contrasting (yellow - orange, red - pink).

You also need to teach your child to distinguish the shapes of objects. Circle, oval, square, rectangle should

be not only named by parents, but also used in games. And try to play games with the child,

where the baby puts all the objects that represent some kind of

a certain geometric figure. The child must learn to distribute objects according to

a certain sign. In this case - by form.

In the same way, you need to teach your child to distinguish between the sizes of objects. Also, when communicating with a child,

Adults constantly use words that denote the properties of objects. The most ordinary

activities - eating, dressing, washing - carry a lot of information. We need to teach the child to compare

objects, for example: “Look how big dad’s sock is and how small yours is.”

When you go for a walk, pay attention to natural phenomena: snow and rain, sand and grass,

sun and clouds should all be conversation pieces for you.

Tip #4- continue to sing songs to your baby, listen to music with him - this will help you develop

the child’s hearing, and in terms of emotional contact this is invaluable.

Oksana Svetlichnaya

Hello! Tell me how to solve my problem. The fact is that my son is very slow. He is always digging around and because of this we are always late somewhere. How to teach a child to do everything quickly?

Modern man is forced to maintain an incredibly high pace of life. Speed ​​is becoming more and more important - high-speed technology, high-speed Internet, even relationships have become “high-speed”...

It is not surprising that in such conditions many parents are worried about the slowness of their children. Watching the child “digging”, the parent experiences reasonable doubts - what if such a “leisurely” child cannot earn a place in the sun in the world of high speeds?

And the “correction” of the child begins - specialists offer parents a variety of correctional techniques, as well as an extensive arsenal of medications.

Faster, faster, even faster - we demand from slow children. But instead of the acceleration effect, we get stubbornness, hysterics, problems at school and other “joys”...

How to help a slow child?

A tall, stately woman entered the psychologist’s office. A subtle aroma of expensive perfume, a fashionable suit, a high stiletto heel - the woman exuded vibes of success.

A boy entered after the woman. A plump, strong man, packed in a neat suit, timidly entered the office and stood in the doorway, glancing sullenly at the psychologist.

- Hello! “I have a problem,” the woman rushed straight away, sitting down in the chair. - My son is very slow. While he was little, I somehow didn’t pay attention to it. It was easier for me to help him get dressed and put on his shoes than to wait for him to get ready himself. But this year he went to school - and teachers began to complain that he was not doing anything. I don't know what to do with this...

The woman clicked the lock of her purse, took out a handkerchief, and closed the purse. She fiddled with the thin fabric in her hands, then opened her purse again and the handkerchief disappeared into it...

- I understand that the child needs my attention, I need to work with him additionally. But I have so much work...

This short sketch shows what problems can arise if a skin mother raises a child with an anal vector. These children, by their nature, are the most dependent on their mother - for effective development, they need her to guide them, tell them what to do, and also praise them.

However, a skin mother sometimes does not see positive qualities in her anal child - through herself she perceives the child as too slow, lacking initiative and indecisive. Where she would “do everything quickly,” the child “digs,” trying to delve into all the details and do everything, albeit not quickly, but at least with high quality. And this applies to everything from lacing your sneakers to going to the toilet.

Not understanding this desire for perfectionism and trying to mold the child in her own image, the skin mother involuntarily begins to urge him on, tug at him - and thereby drives the anal child into a stupor, aggravating the situation. But for him it is very important to bring every matter to its logical conclusion - otherwise the child begins to experience stress and the properties of his vector go negative: instead of obedience - stubbornness, instead of cleanliness and order - dirt, instead of caring for loved ones - sadism.

- Guys, hand in your notebooks! - The teacher looked around the class. The students were busy, began to pass notebooks... And only Vanya, from the last desk, looks thoughtfully out the window.

- Vanya, did you write everything? - the teacher called out to the thoughtful boy. He shuddered, looked around the class absent-mindedly, and lowered his eyes to the sheet of notebook, the virgin purity of which was violated by only one sentence.

“I haven’t finished writing it yet,” the boy was embarrassed.

- Well, why are you writing so slowly? - the teacher was indignant. The boy sighed heavily and grabbed the handle...

Children with a sound vector may seem slow and even inhibited. The erogenous (especially sensitive) zone of such children is the eardrum - these children have very sensitive hearing. Loud screams, sharp sounds, insults - all this causes physical discomfort to the child. In addition, children with a sound vector exist in two worlds at once, separated by their sensitive eardrum - external and internal, as real to them as the world around them.

Unfortunately, parents do not always take this feature into account and try to “stir up” a child with a sound vector by all available means, including screaming. But if a sound child is constantly shouted at and insulted, if there is constant noise in the house, he involuntarily tries to reduce the sensitivity of the erogenous zone - he “withdraws into himself”, becomes non-contact. In particularly severe cases, the development of autism spectrum disorder is possible.

Sound children experience certain difficulties adapting to school, since their eardrums are bombarded with hubbub and noise. The inability to focus on the inner world leads to the fact that these children experience constant stress.

In addition, the teacher with the skin vector evaluates the child through herself and does not understand that his slowness is explained by the fact that the child needs time to “emerge” from his inner world, realize the question, “dive” back, instantly solve the task and “surface” again to answer.

Taken together, all this leads to the fact that sound children, who have incredibly powerful intellectual potential, sometimes find themselves lagging behind, and their parents hear complaints that the child is sleepy, slow and does not keep up with other children.

The situation worsens if the anal and sound vectors are combined - such a child grows up as an absolute introvert and seems phlegmatic, even inhibited. Despite this, they have a powerful potential generated by the combination of analytical thinking, characteristic of the anal vector, and the immense intelligence characteristic of the sound vector.

Such children are potential geniuses, but only if their properties are properly developed. By constantly tugging and urging “slow” children, imposing on them a rhythm of life that is unusual for them, we do not give the opportunity to develop their properties correctly - as a result, a potential genius can grow into a sadist and moral autist.

Every child is given by nature from birth properties that allow him to grow up to be a happy person! Given - but not provided! And the main task of parents is to provide optimal conditions for the development of these properties.

Systems thinking makes it possible to approach education in a differentiated way - to develop those properties that are given to the child, and not those that we would like to see in him, feeling “through ourselves.”

Only by realizing this will we stop labeling our children as “too slow” or “hyperactive” and begin to raise a full-fledged Personality who enjoys life.

Tatyana Klishchenko answered the question

The article was written based on the training materials on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan

What are the main mistakes of parents? It is impossible to find a person who has never made mistakes. What mistakes do parents make most often, and how to recognize their mistakes?

Many parents ask questions about how to teach a child to be independent, since such a nuance is a pillar of the educational process. The best and most lasting effect will come if you explain to him the idea and purpose of what is happening. The child must understand what is happening, connect events with causes, and draw his own conclusions. This means the inevitable passage of the ill-fated “why” stage, when the child is interested in the reasons for literally everything that catches his eye. But at the same time, there is a very useful instillation of the habit of getting to the bottom of the real reason for everything that happens.

Most often, a diet for teenagers is needed to lose excess weight. Obesity threatens many teenagers today much more often than before. This is due to an increase in the volume of food consumed, a large number of too fatty, unhealthy foods on the menu.

From a psychological point of view, fear is a negative emotion. Occurs in cases of danger to human life and health, both physical and mental. Fears may arise as a result of the negative impact of social factors on the human psyche.

For many parents, such a phrase as dysgraphia in children will not mean anything. In the USSR, this disease was known, but little attention was paid to its diagnosis. A child suffering from problems with spelling and written speech could be told more about the need for attentiveness, perseverance, and the importance of knowing the rules of spelling. Pathology was diagnosed in exceptional cases, when it was quite difficult to suggest any alternative options. According to statistics, this disease is rarely pronounced.

: Reading time:

I have a son, 11 years old. He was always very... slow. He's a smart guy, but if he doesn't want to do something, he starts to slow down. Getting ready in the morning, brushing your teeth, homework - everything is slow.

My husband and I think that if we don’t stand over him, he won’t do anything at all, will be late for school and forget everything. Maybe leave him alone and let him get in trouble for himself? I'm afraid this won't teach him anything, he won't care. Is this normal behavior for his age?

I constantly compare him with his younger sister, who is 9. Of course, she is a girl and this plays a role, but since the age of 5 she has been doing almost everything faster than him! I'm very tired and ready to give up. How can I help my child?

Many people have encountered such children, if not in their own family, then somewhere else. Many adults remember themselves like this - how they were constantly reprimanded for “having their head in the clouds” and “slowness.” What is the problem here and how can I help?

A child can be slow for four reasons:

1. Attention deficit disorder without hyperactivity (ADD)
2. Overprotection
3. This is his innate trait, feature

Attention deficit disorder without hyperactivity

The first thing to rule out is attention deficit disorder without hyperactivity. We imagine ADHD as an internal “motor” that prevents the child from concentrating on one thing and leads to endless unconstructive activity.

In reality, hyperactivity does not always occur. Such children are usually quiet, calm, and teachers do not notice them. Their attention is scattered, and if you don’t help them concentrate when they are not very interested (in class, while cleaning), they give up trying and “freeze” in place.

To confirm ADD, you need a consultation with a neuropsychologist and a psychiatrist.

Anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or phobia

The second thing that experts rule out is anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Often children slow down because of the fear of making a mistake, forgetting, overlooking, doing the wrong thing and incurring the anger of teachers or ridicule of classmates.

OCD and other mental disorders are recognized by a psychiatrist, but in order not to frighten yourself and your child, you can first consult with a psychologist.

Overprotection

Once ADD and anxiety disorders have been ruled out, all that remains is education. If the mother does everything for the child - keeps track of the time, packs the backpack, remembers the daily routine, reminds about homework - why does the child need to focus?

In this case, it is necessary to slowly loosen control and let the child learn self-regulation through trial and error.

Congenital feature

Everyone's speed of processing information is different. There are fast and slow people. Fast ones are not always “better” than slow ones, they are just different. You need to accept this feature and learn to live with it.

Brake child: procedure

1. Show the child to a neuropsychologist and psychiatrist to rule out ADD
2. Rule out anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, pathological fears - also by a psychiatrist; You can first consult a psychologist
3. Relax control if the child does not decide anything on his own
4. Get used to the fact that a child has a certain innate speed, faster than which he will never “accelerate”

The fact is that some children may exhibit slow thinking. This will negatively affect development, and therefore it is worth understanding the reasons for this phenomenon and learning about treatment methods.

Most parents begin to worry when their child begins to sit up later than others, talk and walk, and panic begins that something is wrong with the child. The child is too energetic, first he makes all the movements, and then he can sit and think about it. Usually in kindergarten, he cannot concentrate, his actions are not purposeful, he does not understand how to continue, how to start, and is often distracted.

Is it worth worrying, because the child is growing and this seems to be the usual behavior of children, some parents think. But you definitely need to think about it or contact a specialist in such cases. The child grows up, goes to school and encounters serious difficulties for him. He cannot find a common language with schoolchildren. In terms of his behavior, he noticeably lags behind his peers, teachers begin to complain to his parents, who, in turn, are surprised, he studies for three hours, but there is no point, which means being lazy.

Of course, the child begins to feel vulnerable, because he is trying as best he can, the parents did not appreciate this, nor did the teachers. The child begins to fall behind, classmates make fun of him, nervousness, depression and no desire to go to school appear. Children with mental retardation are very energetic; they sometimes have difficulty understanding what they are asked to do and what they must do. They have no interest in the world around them, like their peers. The child lives as if in his own inhibited world, where everything is quiet, slow and does not develop. All this comes from the lack of his brain activity and thinking; it stands still and cannot develop on its own.

When studying children with slow development, it was proven that the child does not develop both the left and right hemispheres of the brain. He receives information very concisely, as if not in full format, like his peer. Memory also decreases, this noticeably manifests itself when he wants to understand, grasp the meaning of what was said, and the child begins to resort to rote memorization. A child with mental retardation has a decrease in the ability to plan, make plans and manage his actions, as a result of which he does everything haphazardly and many mistakes appear. Parents of such children who believe that their child is lazy and restless do not think about the fact that it is very difficult for the child to catch up and compete, to be at least on the same level with his peers. They begin to instantly get tired while doing one job and switch to another. It is very important to note all this and provide first aid to the child.

A parent wonders, what steps should I take? But usually parents are divided into two categories:

- A child cannot do anything without the help of his parents.

- The child must be independent.

In the first case, from the very birth they cannot “breathe” on the child; distraught mothers cannot leave the child even for a second, believing that something will happen to him. The child begins to grow up, without the help of his parents he does not dress, does not eat, does not go to school, he has constant control, and does homework only with supervision. This kind of care is very harmful to children. He does not develop a sense of self-preservation, a sense of confidence, independence. It becomes like a “living flower” that is waiting to be sprinkled and watered. Without a doubt, control is needed, but parents must manage it correctly, understanding that their baby is also a person who must learn to have his own opinion and not be afraid to express it.

The second type of parents, on the contrary, from birth, mothers can leave the child to grandmothers, aunts, and sisters without fear that they will do something wrong. Growing up, a child is put under a lot of pressure, believing that the child must cope with everything. Such actions can otherwise lead to poor performance, rapid fatigue, the child can become aggressive and often change his mood. To avoid all these moments, psychologists recommend giving your child rest more often. Give your child breaks while performing any activity. In order for the child to rest all his muscles, eyes, and brain, it is recommended that the child jump, run, lie down and look at the pictures, this will certainly be beneficial.