The wife cannot have children what to do. The wife does not want a child. Why don't women want children? What explains such a decision of a woman

Sometimes men and women do not find mutual understanding when deciding on the issue of childbearing, and then conflicts, quarrels and ineffective family conversations of the same type are not ruled out.

When a man does not want to have children, he can justify this by his own unpreparedness for such responsibility or by the fear of not justifying the hopes of his wife in his material and paternal wealth.

The spouse, of course, can continue to have a dialogue about procreation, but in such cases it can not only not bring the desired result, but also harm, and what to do in such a situation is a separate topic for the next article.

But if the wife does not want to have children, there may be many reasons.

Why does the wife not want to have children? Causes…

Maybe she is just afraid for her figure or does not want to raise a child, or the birth of a child will interfere with her studies and career. It is quite possible that the weaker sex does not feel a reliable "rear" worthy of a man nearby. Yes, and the very fear of an upcoming pregnancy, and then childbirth is great enough to allow yourself to become pregnant. Fear for the health of the baby, their own, because this must also be taken into account, many women take such a main event for them very responsibly. So, if a husband is looking forward to his child, he will have to make some efforts. Of course, each specific problem may have its own nuances, here we are talking about a general trend.

The wife does not want to give birth to a child ... What to do?

First what should be done to convince you to give birth to a baby is to start discreetly promoting the advantages of having a baby. For example, you can watch movies together showing the happy life of families with children; talk about friends and acquaintances who already have their own, how wonderful it is; Give examples from your own childhood. It is important that your method of persuasion is not intrusive and that everything looks natural.

Second- this is an acquaintance with families in which there are already children. As a rule, parents are immensely happy to have their children, so at every meeting they will talk about children. It's best if your buddies bring their babies and let your significant other play with them. So she will quickly understand the psychology of communicating with children and, perhaps, will want to give birth to her own.

Third These are unobtrusive conversations about the future. If a husband talks a lot and colorfully about a possible wonderful life to his wife, about material well-being and prosperity, she herself will think about the need to procreate. And then, when the spouse does not even think about the child, it is advisable for the husband to direct her to the appropriate dialogue. But he should not start talking about children first, so as not to annoy her once again. It is also necessary to touch on investment options, additional income and the ability to maintain stability into old age. A woman will involuntarily think about the baby, and with a skillful play on words, she will talk about this topic.

Fourth- you can take your wife to places of mass congestion of children: parks, attractions, playgrounds. The main thing is that there are children of one to three years old, at that age they seem to be the cutest. But keep in mind that the choice of location should seem as spontaneous as possible. Such a decision can be made in the middle of the weekend or after the end of work. A walk in the fresh air will improve the mood and mental activity of the wife, which will direct her thoughts in the right direction.

In general, whether to have children or not is a matter of two, it is up to them to decide. Everyone in the family has the right to choose, it doesn’t matter if it’s a husband or wife, but it is desirable to voice your opinion on this matter so that the partner does not suffer from doubts - what is happening? Or maybe they don’t like me or I don’t correspond to the title and status of the father / mother? If your wife refuses at this stage from the second child and explains the reasons - this is one conversation, but if she refuses to give birth at all ever, then it is worth considering. In such a situation, it is worth visiting the consultations of a family psychologist in order to figure out what kind of motives, what kind of injuries a person has.

In any case, love always heals! If a woman is desirable and loved, no fears and problems will deprive her of the joy of motherhood!

The activities of this center are of particular relevance, given that 2008 has been declared the Year of the Family in Russia.

Doctor, obstetrician-gynecologist Iraida Vyacheslavovna Voronova talks about her work as a consultant.

Let's start with the numbers that speak eloquently about the reasons for the decline in the birth rate. Even women of 15-17 years old come to us for a consultation, who, most often, do not want to give birth to a child. It turns out that almost all women who go for an abortion are not married, but cohabit with the father of the unborn child or do not even have a civil husband at all. It is especially scary that young women with their first pregnancy go for an abortion, who do not think about what the consequences of such an operative intervention in the nature of a woman may be in the future.

This fact is surprising: women explain the reason for the abortion by the fact that they "do not want to give birth." This is already a deep pathology if a woman does not want to give birth. This means that not only we, but also secular medical workers, need to intensify educational work among young people, talk with girls about the joy of motherhood, and with young men about the joy of fatherhood.

- What explains such a decision of a woman?

The reasons are different. Someone says that they simply do not want a child, someone says that they want to study. Most of the young women are brought in by their relatives, who insist on an abortion. But even among married women, there are many who go for an abortion. One woman went for it because in her family, "her mother decides everything," who said they shouldn't have children yet. Another woman's husband was in custody. Many justify abortion by saying that the unborn child is unwanted in the family, and some do not even know who the father of the child is. Among the reasons are the following: a guy forces a girl to have an abortion, threatening to break off further relations with her, or pregnancy is not from her husband.

Unfortunately, the notorious emancipation has led us to the fact that a woman decides most of the issues in family life on her own. When we ask a woman if her husband knows that she is pregnant and wants to terminate the pregnancy, many answer: “does not know”, “but I will not tell him”; "But he doesn't care." There is another option: the husband really wants a child, insists on his birth, but the wife, contrary to him, independently makes the opposite decision.

It turns out that you know the point of view of men - future fathers? And for some reason everyone thinks that the work of consultants is limited only to communication with women going for an abortion ...

Yes, we have conversations with husbands as well. I know from my own experience that this is quite difficult, so I can give some useful tips. First you need to talk with a man one on one, and when the reason for the alleged abortion is revealed, invite them to a conversation with his wife. Practice shows that the most common reason for terminating an unwanted pregnancy is unregistered marriages during the first pregnancy of a young woman.

And when, if not spouses, but still close people, they sit together in the office, frankly talk about the reasons, about the arguments that led them to a certain decision, they can get to know each other better. Often in such conversations, young people speak disrespectfully about their girlfriend. Men do not want to take responsibility for the child and his mother, offering "payoff" in the form of a certain amount. Depending on the situation that has developed during a joint conversation, then you can also have a conversation with the girl in private.

We know many examples from life when her parents oppose the birth of a child to a daughter, regardless of whether she is married or not.

And this is the worst. Often mothers, who themselves have known all the joy of motherhood, bring their daughters and insist on an abortion. In such a situation, you need to talk one on one with the mother and warn that the daughter may subsequently blame her for the loss of the child and, as a result, their relationship can deteriorate greatly. It is necessary to focus the attention of the mother on the fact that now it is important to support her daughter, help her to bear normally and give birth to a healthy child. Of course, such conversations require a lot of time and effort, but I am glad that mothers often agree with our arguments and the situation in the family is resolved in a positive way.

But still, our main work is precisely in conversations with the women themselves. And here you need to understand the character of each woman in order to find the right approach, to call her to a frank conversation. Therefore, we are not only obstetrician-gynecologists, but also psychoanalysts and psychotherapists in our own way. When in the course of a conversation with a woman some kind of contact has already been established, we ask her to formulate in one sentence the reason why she is going for an abortion. Very often they cannot do this and start making excuses. After listening to these excuses, it is necessary to bring the woman to the realization of the reason for the abortion. At the moment of such conversations, women for the first time think about the true motives of their actions. It is this category of women that is easiest to dissuade from a rash step.

But the most difficult category for a conversation is women who immediately declare that they do not want a child. Even district doctors, to whom they come for a referral for an abortion, often tell us: “Why send them for a conversation, because abortion is a common thing for them.” There was a case when a woman who had no children at the age of 40 went for a third abortion. And another woman, who had many abortions, believed that it was possible to go for an abortion again, they say, "seven troubles - one answer." I think that with this category of women it is necessary to talk not about the dangers of abortion, but about the joy of motherhood. Here it would be appropriate to say that the employees of the Cradle Center help to design information stands and exhibitions in antenatal clinics dedicated to the theme “Joy of motherhood”.

... It is impossible, apparently, to say indiscriminately that all women who come for an abortion are absolutely immoral, that they do not have any maternal feelings and desires. The consultants of the "Cradle" center are trying to solve such a difficult task - to protect women from a fatal step. To do this, they use, first of all, the concretization of the arguments for abandoning the unborn child. Many say: “We should raise one ...” Let's be more specific: what does it mean to “raise” and until what age should a child do this? And what does it mean to “live well”, what level of sufficient security do certain families set for themselves?

- "We want to give the child the best," say many parents. And what is "the best"? Well, for example, according to one mother, they will buy children's sandals for 700 rubles, but not for a lower cost: this humiliates them in the eyes of their friends. They are looking for a suit for the baby of just some “promoted” company, not paying attention to the fact that it is five to seven times more expensive than almost the same clothes from less prestigious manufacturers ...

According to the specialists of the Cradle Center, it is very important to establish their internal dialogue during consultations with women. Because, in fact, they very often come with a broken internal dialogue. Let me explain. Dialogicality is a way of organizing our inner world: when making a decision, a person weighs different arguments, options, that is, he conducts a certain dialogue with himself. These reflections, attention to your “inner voice” give you the opportunity to look at yourself from the side, evaluate: maybe I’m doing it wrong? This is the dialogue, this is a different position: “I want this” - “Stop! And that's not a matter of conscience. What would other people do in my position?

They say that a person is tormented by conscience ... In fact, this is an internal dialogue between “I want” and “I can’t”, between “I don’t want” and “I must”.

Often, from the lips of people who justify abortions, we hear the phrase: “A child must be desired,” and if he is “unwanted,” then it’s better for him not to be born ...

This phrase sounds beautiful, its meaning is almost obvious and does not cause any doubts. Of course, the child must be desired! The lie begins when completely opposite conclusions are drawn from this thought.

The normal conclusion from this phrase, which reflects its true meaning, is the following: according to the teachings of the Church, as soon as a child appears (and this happens at the moment of conception), he should become desirable. The child cannot but be desired. Even if he was unwanted before conception, he becomes so when he was already born. Let him be 2-3 days, a week or a month, but for a mother this is already her child, her blood, and it is already impossible not to love him. This is a normal conclusion.

But there is also an absurd conclusion: “I did not want him and did not want his appearance, but he appeared. He was supposed to be wanted, but I still don’t want him, so let him not be. Well, the child did not turn out to be desirable, which means that he should be deleted from the lists of the living? You just have to wait until the desire to have a child appears - then "I will give birth." In the meantime, there is no desire, you can kill all your conceived children with a clear conscience - after all, a child should be desired!

Thus, the phrase "the child must be desired" implies work on one's soul. The mother must overcome her reluctance to have a child: "He has appeared, and I must force myself to love him." Of course, it's easier to kill when you don't see your prey yet. As soon as a child is born, it is already a pity to kill him.

And a woman who goes for an abortion must understand that she does this not because the child should be desired, but because she did not want to love her little blood, whose heart is beating under her heart.

I know that the "Cradle" center provides assistance to low-income families with children's things, food, it can help to purchase a stroller or a crib ... But the social security of a woman is within your competence or not?

Everything here depends on what kind of child the woman is expecting. If a third child is born, the family receives the status of having many children, and this already gives certain benefits and guarantees for paying for kindergarten, rent, and electricity. Children from large families have the right to free travel on all types of transport, they are provided with free meals at schools, they have the right to visit museums, the zoo and other children's leisure activities free of charge.

Families with many children also have the right to an extraordinary place in preschool institutions. It's just that many do not know this and do not use their benefits. Here it is necessary to carry out certain educational work among women and their husbands.

There are already certain advances in improving the demographic situation in Russia. From January 1 of this year, women who give birth to their second, third and subsequent children receive maternity capital, as well as monthly benefits until the child reaches one and a half years. Therefore, women can not work at this time, but take care of the child so that he grows up healthy and develops normally.

And if you look at the statistics of divorces, there are more of them in families with one child; in families with three or more children, the divorce rate is much lower than in families with one or two children.

Gynecologists can cite many cases from their practice when men stimulate childbearing. If a lawful wife does not want to have children, a man often goes to another, who will give birth to heirs: children are a continuation of the family, and a man wants to continue his family. The feeling of fatherhood is no less than the feeling of motherhood - and this should not be discounted.

The material was prepared by Lidia Ezhkova

The carefree joy of the appearance of the baby lasts several days after his birth, and then the “harsh” everyday life comes, and the life of the family changes. Caring for a child makes its own adjustments to the usual way of the family, new problems appear related to the conduct of household chores. Against the background of responsibility for a small person, changes are taking place in personal life. Loses its former significance and intimate life - in a love relationship, coldness and indifference arise.

Causes of a decrease in libido in a woman after childbirth

When carrying a child, the couple's sexual life is limited for natural reasons. It would seem that after childbirth everything should be restored, but usually the opposite happens. A man who has been without sexual intercourse with his wife for a long time hopes for their rapid resumption, but does not get what he wants. The wife frankly refuses to fulfill her marital duty or evades it in every possible way. Why is this happening, what are the reasons for female alienation?

Physiological features

With a successful birth and a stable emotional state of a young mother, experts recommend starting sexual activity no earlier than 4-5 weeks after the birth of the baby. If the pregnancy was difficult, and the birth was difficult, then doctors explain the decrease in libido with physiological problems:

• Birth trauma. During the passage of the fetus through the birth canal, cracks and ruptures of the perineum occur. In special cases, doctors specifically make incisions to help the woman in labor. The resulting injuries cause physical pain and force the woman to deliberately not sleep with her husband.
• Hormonal disorders. The hormonal “storm” that raged during pregnancy takes on other colors. Preparing the body for breastfeeding is accompanied by increased production of prolactin, the hormone responsible for lactation. Against this background, the amount of estrogen and progesterone falls, which looks like a protective measure of the body against the onset of a new pregnancy. There is a drop in libido.
• Change in the rhythm of life. With the advent of a child, night sleep deprivation appears, the number of household chores increases, and emotional and physical overstrain occurs. Fatigue accumulates, and the woman does not want sex.

Psychological factors

Psychological reasons for a decrease in libido in a woman:

• Doubts about external attractiveness. Unsightly metamorphoses of the figure after the birth of a child lead to a depressed state. Stretch marks on the abdomen, sagging skin, excess weight are not encouraging, but intimacy with her husband is frightening. A woman does not want sex, fearing that a man will not like her.
• Fear of sex on the background of birth trauma. Pain causes physical discomfort to a woman. Gradually, everything will heal, but for the first 1-2 months, the newly-made mother does not want an intimate life, expecting severe pain.
• Postpartum depression affects 80% of women who give birth. It is expressed by depressed mood, lack of emotions or their excess, irritability.
• Maternal instinct. Giving all of herself to the baby, the young mother forgets about her husband. It comes to the point that she does not leave the child without her attention for a minute and is not at all interested in the state of her soulmate.

How long after childbirth can a wife not want a husband?

The timing of the restoration of libido after childbirth depends on the reasons why a woman ignores sexual activity with her husband. An important role in calmly and quickly overcoming physical and psychological fears is played by a joint struggle with them. During this period, the mother needs the help, understanding and support of her husband more than ever.

The uterus needs 1 month to return to normal. In addition, the gradual contraction of the vaginal muscles is accompanied by secretions. When these unpleasant and painful processes are completed, the wife herself will remind her husband of his male duties in bed. The delay in the situation with the refusal of sexual intercourse up to six months may be associated with breastfeeding. The constant presence of milk reduces the craving for sex. As soon as breastfeeding begins to alternate with complementary foods, intimate life will return to the family.

If the libido of a young mother has not “woke up” even after a year, then the family has problems with mutual understanding and support. It is difficult for both parents to adapt to the constantly changing lifestyle of the baby, they are nervous and lost.

Having gained patience and learned to live in new conditions, you can return sexual activity. In the absence of craving for sex and 1.5 years after childbirth, one should speak of prolonged depression and inattention of the partner.

The maximum period of physiological and psychological recovery of a woman after childbirth is 2 years. If the sex life in the family has not been restored, the wife still refuses her husband, then the problem becomes serious. The reasons for this behavior lie in:

• disappointment in a partner;
• fear of re-pregnancy and abortion;
• confidence that the "mission" to prolong the family is completed, and sex is no longer needed.

The first thing that spouses need to do to resume a normal intimate life is to talk frankly about the problem. Put yourself in order, become again desirable for your husband. If he cannot recover from the shock after a joint birth, seek the help of a psychologist. Consider the experience of your girlfriends and try to avoid their mistakes. Always find time to communicate with your husband, do not push him away and do not refer to fatigue.

Why does the husband not want intimacy with the wife who has given birth, what should I do?

The main reason for the husband's reluctance to have intimacy with the wife who has given birth is the child. Watching how mom switches her attention to the newborn, dad morally distances himself from her and tries to occupy himself with other things. Other factors also have a negative effect:

• moral fatigue. It is a mistake to believe that only a woman has all the worries and fears associated with pregnancy, childbirth and the first months of a baby's life. A caring man is no less worried. At first, he worries about his beloved woman, tries to protect her from all dangers during the period of bearing a child. When the time comes for childbirth, he also experiences stress in anticipation of their successful completion. The appearance of a long-awaited son or daughter in the house increases nervous tension, and the man cools down to intimacy.
• Alienation of the wife. Busy with worries about the baby, the wife stops paying much attention to her husband, tries to alienate him from herself, it seems to her that he only interferes. Tired at work, a man wants home warmth, and he is met by an exhausted and unkempt woman who does not pay attention to his feelings. A spiritual barrier is built in which both partners are dissatisfied with each other's behavior.
• Emotional instability of a woman. The nervous tension accumulated during pregnancy and childbirth needs to be released. The husband becomes a target for tantrums, insults and breakdowns. In such an environment, a man is unlikely to want a woman.
• Communication on the side. It also happens that during pregnancy and the subsequent inattention of the wife to her husband, he finds an outlet on the side and has sex with his mistress.

Mistakes of spouses after the birth of a child

Perceiving childbirth as a natural process, women sometimes forget that they can become stressful for men, and persuade their soulmates to attend childbirth. Having seen the process of the birth of a child, not every representative of the stronger sex is able to perceive it correctly and calmly.

Some husbands start treating their wife like a mother and forget that she is a woman. Cooling occurs between the spouses, sexual activity decreases, the intimate life of the couple is reduced to zero.

The second mistake is inattention to her husband. Giving all of herself to the baby, a woman forgets that there is another person who does not less baby needs attention and affection. Feeling superfluous, a man cools off, his desire and passion disappear, sometimes he simply moves to another room. In such a situation, you need to honestly answer yourself that it was you who caused this behavior of your husband, and try to fix everything as soon as possible.

The next mistake a man makes is with a woman's breasts. When a husband sees his wife giving a breast to a child, a picture is formed in his head that unites the breast and the mother. The resulting association crosses out feminine charms from his sexual fantasies. If you notice this behavior of the spouse, try to feed the baby when the husband does not see.

"we discussed the behavior of the strong half of humanity and their reasons for not having children, and now it will be interesting to understand why women don't want kids. Speaking about men, we divided, conditionally, the reasons that they name into true and false.

With women, this will be more difficult. Because women can have children, men can't. You can't argue with that. So, giving birth to children is the main purpose of women, because who, if not them? After all, men are not capable of this, they have other tasks. You can't argue with that either.

So, if nature intended women, and only women, to give birth to children, then they should want this, logically. Why and why give a person a unique opportunity that he does not want to use and will never use? No need. So in nature, nothing ever happens just like that. Nature is very wise.

If a woman is endowed with the ability to give birth to children, then she is endowed with the well-known maternal instinct. It turns out that he is rightfully present in every woman from the very beginning. It is present, but, for some reason, it is muffled and falls asleep. And wrong, oh, how wrong are those who claim that approximately six percent of women have no maternal instinct. After all, this is a huge number of women! We repeat, nature is very wise and she would not make such an omission. Maternal instinct and love for children can be drowned out and hidden deep into the subconscious, but initially they are present in every woman.

Reasons women refuse to have children

The reluctance of women to have children is artificially formed, it cannot be natural. And these artificial factors must be very strong in order to drown out the innate maternal instinct. And not just drown it out, but hide it so deep in the subconscious that from the outside it may seem that this woman does not have a drop of love for children. If a woman does not want children, then this can be caused by the following artificial factors:

1. If a woman grows up in a large family and she does not get the attention of her parents. The girl grows up on her own, they don’t take her seriously, they don’t communicate with her much. If this is a girl, then she often does not have her own personal belongings. She receives clothes and toys by "inheritance" from older sisters. Naturally, such an attitude towards the child does not pass without a trace. When such a girl grows up and becomes an adult woman, she herself is very cold towards children. She has a maternal instinct ... not absent, as some unfortunate psychologists believe. It is packed, one might say, rammed deep into her subconscious.

So, in this case, as we see, the woman does not want a child because of problems in the parental family. That is, the reason lies in upbringing and it comes from childhood. Of course, a large family in itself is good. Because family is strength. A big family is a big force. But children need to be educated, they need to be dealt with. and it is difficult to overestimate, and if they are performed properly, then a woman who does not like children will never grow out of a girl.

2. If the girl, on the contrary, is overprotected by her parents. She is an only child, so she receives so much love and affection from her parents that it would be more than enough for several children. Often such a girl grows up. And of course, such a girl is not used to love. She is used to being loved only. And she does not plan to have children of her own, she is too selfish for this. Again, in this case, she does not lack maternal instinct, it is securely hidden in her subconscious with the help of excessive parental love, affection, tenderness and hyper-custody.

3. Lack of material base,. This reason also often appears. Of course, if you yourself live in a rented dorm room and the salary does not exceed the minimum wage, then it is almost impossible to support a child. But do women who do not want children for financial reasons really live in such need? Hardly. Surely, many of them have a wealth in the family that is much higher than average. But a person is such a creature for whom money is always not enough, no matter how much you earn it. Therefore, the reason for the lack of money is most often far-fetched. And behind it can be banal laziness, unwillingness to take responsibility for the child, or even simple greed.

4. First - a career, then - children. in society dictates its own laws, namely, to be equal to men in everything, to make a career, to reach the heights of professional heights. And only then it will be possible to give birth to a child.

Well, first of all, when will it be "later"? You can build a career even before the age of 50, but you can’t give birth to a child at this age. Anyway, time is wasted. In general, a child cannot interfere with a career. And successful women and, concurrently, loving wives and mothers, can confirm this, and there are quite a few of them in our society. Surely, each of us knows many such women.

And, secondly, why strive to be like men? In order to surpass them in some way and show that a woman can cope with any duties no worse than men? In my opinion, to surpass men, and to show all the superiority of women over them, can only be done by doing what no man will ever do. Namely, having a baby. No man can really do that. Arnold Schwarzenegger in the film with Denis DeVito does not count, it's just fantastic.

5. Fear of getting fat and losing attractiveness. Again, speaking of men who do not want children, we described this reason. It turns out that not only some men are afraid that their women will get fat after giving birth to a child, but some women are afraid of the same. In general, this reason is unlikely to be true. It is based on the same egoism, although, perhaps, something else. For example, laziness. Because even gaining some extra pounds, a woman can look great, of course, this will require some effort. If a woman does not know after childbirth and whether it is possible, in general, to be attractive, then you can look, for example, at the photo:

Very beautiful women and some fullness does not spoil them at all. Men will never leave such women because of their unattractiveness. And if there are those who will leave, then these men are so-so, unworthy of attention and fullness - this is an excuse for them, they would have left anyway. In addition, many and many women, having given birth to a child, return to themselves, if not their original form, then very close to it.

In general, having given birth to a child, a woman can regain her lost form and, in fact, this is not so difficult to do. Or, on the contrary, without returning the form, teach yourself so that after childbirth you look no worse than before them. It all depends on the person. Completeness does not play a decisive role.

6. There is no one to rely on after the birth of a child, because. I'm not sure about my man. If a woman does not know after the birth of a child, then it is necessary to understand why she doubts him. If a man is caring and attentive, helps a woman in everything, then the birth of a child will not change his attitude, he will also be a good husband and, in addition, will become a caring father.

And if a man is so-so, does not help in anything, does not pay attention, does not treat his woman in the best way, then the situation of such a woman is unenviable. You should not expect such help after the birth of the baby. Help, and care, he will not, if initially he did not have such a desire. Are you saying there are exceptions? In this case, it doesn't. I do not know a single complete egoist who would become a caring husband and father. Do you know? I think no.

What to do in this case? There are three options here. The first is to agree with her husband and refuse to have a child, i.e. go against your essence, against nature. Personally, I don't think this is an option at all. The second - a man changes, after all, his attitude and performs like a father and like a husband. And the third option - a woman changes a man for another, has children with him, and, ideally, of course. Which way to go - the woman herself must decide. And no one else can do it for her.

7. A woman does not want to give birth to children because of the fear of pregnancy and childbirth itself. There is no need to look far for examples here. Many people are even afraid to go to the dentist because of the pain, and pregnancy and childbirth are a much more serious thing.

This, most often, happens in those cases when a girl was intimidated by her friends or relatives with their stories about how unbearable it is and what hellish pain you experience at the same time. Of course, in most cases, sooner or later, girls cope with their fears and give birth to children. Many women are psychologically greatly helped. But, in some cases, the phobia can become so strong that an individual approach from a psychologist may be required.

8. A woman does not want to give birth to a child because of any medical contraindications. Sometimes these are fears that any genetic abnormalities may pass to the child, or if the woman has poor health or some of her own characteristics, because of which she simply cannot bear the child. Maybe it makes sense in that case. In any case, in such situations, everything must be carefully weighed before making a final decision.

In conclusion, we say that the maternal instinct cannot be absent in a woman. Like any other. Another thing is that in modern society people's instincts are suppressed by some artificial factors. But such suppression is not natural to man.

Previously, women gave birth to children and did not think about whether they wanted it. So it was established, and the purpose of each girl was to become a mother - at least for one child. Women's emancipation upset the usual balance, in which the man was the support and breadwinner, and the woman was the keeper of the hearth and family. The privileges of the male world opened up before the fair sex: women went into science, began to build a career, gained independence in everyday life, and so on. Marriage has become optional, and having children is even more so. Increasingly, men are faced with the fact that the wife does not want to have children. What causes the instinct of procreation to fade into the background?

Possible reasons for not wanting to have children

The maternal instinct cannot be completely absent - it is so inherent in nature, which means that serious arguments, fears or beliefs are hidden behind the reluctance to have children. Why does the wife not want a joint child?

1. She's not ready to be a mother

Having and raising a child is a huge responsibility. This is a big and hard job without days off and with little room for error. When a woman decides to become a mother, she is not afraid of difficulties - the desire to give birth to a baby is stronger. A young wife may not want children simply because she does not yet see herself as a mother, is afraid that she will not be able to cope with a new role, and does not want to take risks. Or she still feels like a child herself.

1. She doesn't like children

Some people think that all women love children. And if a girl talks about dislike for them, it is believed that she is driven by complexes or failures in her personal life. This is not always the case. Indeed, a woman may not feel affection for children - for several reasons. First - she has not yet grown up to motherhood, from a psychological point of view. Second - your wife was brought up in a large family: her parents did not pay attention to her, brothers and sisters provoked conflicts, took away toys, etc. She does not associate the family with a positive phenomenon, and the children seem to be uncontrollable monsters.

1. She has other priorities.

A woman wants to focus on her studies or make a career so that she does not need anything in the future. To succeed in this field, all the forces and attention of a woman must be focused on achieving the goal. Motherhood does not fit into this paradigm of life values. A wife may realize that she simply does not have enough time for a child.

1. She's too selfish

If the girl was raised like a princess, if she was the only child who was allowed everything, it is not surprising that in the future she does not want to share her husband's attention with the child. Realizing that with the birth of a son or daughter, she will cease to be the only one for the chosen one, she is afraid of losing these unique rights. Another side of female egoism: the girl is used to a certain way of life and does not want to part with it. For example, she likes to sleep late, often goes to clubs, loves to break into unplanned trips, etc.

1. She is afraid to give birth

Fear of childbirth is inherent in both those who have never given birth, and girls for whom childbirth turned into a difficult test. It is difficult to give birth, but sometimes the process of the birth of a child is hampered by sudden complications, a sharp deterioration in well-being, etc. If a woman experienced fear during her first birth, she does not want to face it again. As for young girls, the fear of giving birth can be caused by the stories of girlfriends, stories on forums on the Internet, in which the process of childbirth is described in detail.

1. She is afraid to get fat

Wanting to remain beautiful and desirable for her husband, a woman is afraid of losing her shape due to pregnancy, childbirth and subsequent child care. Perhaps she was faced with the negative story of one of her friends, from whom her husband left after the birth of a child. Maybe she's just insecure and doesn't want to take risks. And perhaps heredity is to blame: the girl compares photos of her mother before and after childbirth and sees how she has grown fat. For fear of repeating her path, the woman refuses to give birth.

1. She is not sure about financial possibilities

This reason is very common. Caring for children and meeting their needs are growing in price every year. Every parent wants to give their child the best, and the reluctance to have children rests on financial instability. If there is enough money back to back to live together, then what to support children for? In addition, pregnancy and childbirth mean a decree. So, it will be possible to seriously rely only on the earnings of her husband.

1. She doesn't want many children

If the family already has a child, the wife may simply not want children in the future. She is satisfied with the current state of affairs, and she does not see the need to expand the family. Sometimes in this situation a woman fears that her strength and attention will not be enough for two or three children.

1. A woman does not trust her husband

If a man seems unreliable to a woman, she puts off thinking about children. Uncertainty in a man is associated with the mistakes he made in relationships. For example, if a husband cheated on his wife. Not relying on a man nearby and not seeing him as a father, a woman is in no hurry to have children.

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1. She has medical contraindications.

Fearing that some genetic disease or other hereditary characteristic will be passed on to the child, the woman decides not to give birth. In addition, in some cases, a girl cannot give birth without consequences for herself. This is due to physiological characteristics. In both situations, she does not want to risk her health or her child's.

1. She is pregnant and has hormonal changes in her body

When a wife is pregnant, and at the same time does not want to have children, we are talking about a hormonal surge. Carrying a child and preparing for motherhood is a great test for the body. This condition affects all systems, including the nervous system. Your wife may worry for various reasons: because of the fear of childbirth, fear of becoming a bad mother, etc. All this makes her say that she is not expecting a baby.

Help from a psychologist

If a man wants children, but his wife does not, this conflict is very difficult to resolve. Heart-to-heart talks are not enough - each side stands its ground and does not want to concede. You can understand a woman - if you love her, you should be able to accept any of her choices. But if the question of children is an edge, if you really want them and it is from her, you need to contact a psychologist. It is ideal to come to a psychotherapist's consultation with your wife, so that the specialist sees the situation from both points of view.

The help of a psychologist is to clarify the subtleties of the current situation and help you decide on your attitude towards them. Proper prioritization, heart-to-heart talk with your wife, joint therapy - this can help to have a long-awaited child.

Often, differences of opinion regarding children lead to divorce. Indeed, sometimes there are situations in which the parties cannot agree. But, as a rule, the dialogue brings the desired result! As a specialist, I will help you tune in to this conversation, learn to listen and convey your opinion to your loved one.