Yana Grivkovskaya, writer, journalist
My close friend has been married for more than ten years, and she and her husband are raising a teenage son. Her husband is a former military man, a serious businessman and endowed with a rather stern disposition, and her son is now going through the usual period of teenage rebellion. My girlfriend has a rather mild character and, without noticing it herself, spoiled her son so much that he practically ceased to recognize parental authority, while dad was constantly busy with work.
At some point, the situation became very aggravated when the son began to disappear at night, stopped devoting time to study. The father finally decided to try to influence the young man, and after a couple of unsuccessful conversations, having heard rudeness in response, he took up the belt. For several months now, the situation has not changed in any way, and cases of assault in their family are repeated. This is very disturbing to her friend, but she does not dare to confront her husband in this, because she knows his quick temper and is afraid of falling under hot hand. At the same time, the whole picture is aggravated by the fact that on the part of the son, such behavior of the father causes only resistance, and no changes in his behavior occur: this is a vicious circle!
I advised her to take her son and leave her husband at least for a while, because it was impossible to continue silently watching this story. Here, the help of a psychologist is simply needed: as the mother of a teenage son, I know that such methods of education will not lead to anything good. And, of course, legal advice will come in handy - in case the situation gets completely out of control.
Word to psychologist
Alina Delisse, psychologist
Your advice to a friend might actually make sense. But before taking any action, it is necessary to understand the situation in detail.
You should start with a frank dialogue. A woman should overcome fear in herself and try to explain to her husband that his methods of education not only do not bring benefits, but are also fraught with final discord in the family. And depending on the circumstances, you can offer different ways to solve the problem.
Option 1. The fact that your girlfriend is afraid not only for the child, but also for herself, because of which she tries not to come into conflict with her husband on the topic of upbringing, is a very alarming signal. Perhaps, over the years of their family life, she herself became a victim of aggression from her husband. If so, then most likely she is dealing with a real domestic tyrant, and it will be almost impossible to change the situation at this stage. The best way out in this case would be to leave your spouse. The thing is, the situation will only get worse with time. Your girlfriend's son will inevitably begin to accumulate psychotrauma, which can negatively affect his future family life. In addition, your girlfriend herself, against the background of this situation, will progress neurosis.
Option 2. If your girlfriend is so frightened by the behavior of her husband because, on the contrary, it is unusual for him, then the situation can be solved in a less radical way. But here you can’t do without a family psychologist. Despite the busyness of her husband and the protest mood of her son, she must convince all family members of the need for family therapy and invite a psychologist to the house. A good specialist will help to understand the causes of outbreaks of aggression in her husband. Perhaps in this way he unconsciously takes out the stress associated with work.
Option 3. Or perhaps the root of the problem lies in the upbringing of your girlfriend's husband himself. Unfortunately, the parents who use force against their children are most often those who themselves faced physical punishment in childhood. We simply unconsciously copy the behavior of our mothers and fathers in relation to our own children. A family therapist can also help stop this process, and the main part of the work will be done with the father of the family.
Word to the lawyer
Anton Palyulin, head of the legal bureau "Palyulin and partners"
What the law says
Art. 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation states that beatings or other violent acts that caused pain, but did not cause a short-term health disorder or a slight permanent loss of general ability to work (more than 6 days), in relation to close persons (including native children) are also a crime. As a measure of punishment, the legislator determined a term of up to two years in prison and other criminal law consequences.
What should a mother do if her child was beaten by her husband
According to paragraph 2 of Art. 20 of the Code of Criminal Procedure of the Russian Federation, criminal cases of battery are initiated only at the request of the victim, and in this case, his legal representative (mother).
First of all, the mother should go with the child to the first-aid post and fix the injuries (bruises, traces of slaps, torn hair, ears reddened from strong physical impact, fingers and other marks of beatings).
After receiving a medical examination, you should go to the district police department and write a statement about the crime. The duty unit and the district police officer must have special forms for such cases.
In the application, indicate the people who are ready to confirm the beatings, and their contacts. Attach a copy of the medical certificate.
Reconciliation and dismissal
The investigator with the consent of the prosecutor, the investigator with the consent of the head of the investigative body or the court (depending on at what stage of the criminal prosecution this happens) has the right to dismiss the case in connection with the reconciliation of the parties. But this is only possible if:
This is the first prosecution in the father's biography;
Reconciliation is recorded in the procedural documents;
The harm caused is compensated (if medical treatment was required, then it must be completed).
Important note: since in such a situation the victim is a child, i.e., a knowingly helpless person, the internal affairs bodies and the court may refuse to terminate the case upon reconciliation of the parties. Then the father will have to be punished by the court.
Yana Grivkovskaya, writer, journalist
My close friend has been married for more than ten years, and she and her husband are raising a teenage son. Her husband is a former military man, a serious businessman and endowed with a rather stern disposition, and her son is now going through the usual period of teenage rebellion. My girlfriend has a rather mild character and, without noticing it herself, spoiled her son so much that he practically ceased to recognize parental authority, while dad was constantly busy with work.
At some point, the situation became very aggravated when the son began to disappear at night, stopped devoting time to study. The father finally decided to try to influence the young man, and after a couple of unsuccessful conversations, having heard rudeness in response, he took up the belt. For several months now, the situation has not changed in any way, and cases of assault in their family are repeated. This greatly worries her friend, but she does not dare to resist her husband in this, because she knows his quick temper and is afraid of falling under a hot hand herself. At the same time, the whole picture is aggravated by the fact that on the part of the son, such behavior of the father causes only resistance, and no changes in his behavior occur: this is a vicious circle!
I advised her to take her son and leave her husband at least for a while, because it was impossible to continue silently watching this story. Here, the help of a psychologist is simply needed: as the mother of a teenage son, I know that such methods of education will not lead to anything good. And, of course, legal advice will come in handy - in case the situation gets completely out of control.
Word to psychologist
Alina Delisse, psychologist
Your advice to a friend might actually make sense. But before taking any action, it is necessary to understand the situation in detail.
You should start with a frank dialogue. A woman should overcome fear in herself and try to explain to her husband that his methods of education not only do not bring benefits, but are also fraught with final discord in the family. And depending on the circumstances, you can offer different ways to solve the problem.
Option 1. The fact that your girlfriend is afraid not only for the child, but also for herself, because of which she tries not to come into conflict with her husband on the topic of upbringing, is a very alarming signal. Perhaps, over the years of their family life, she herself became a victim of aggression from her husband. If so, then most likely she is dealing with a real domestic tyrant, and it will be almost impossible to change the situation at this stage. The best way out in this case would be to leave your spouse. The thing is, the situation will only get worse with time. Your girlfriend's son will inevitably begin to accumulate psychotrauma, which can negatively affect his future family life. In addition, your girlfriend herself, against the background of this situation, will progress neurosis.
Option 2. If your girlfriend is so frightened by the behavior of her husband because, on the contrary, it is unusual for him, then the situation can be solved in a less radical way. But here you can’t do without a family psychologist. Despite the busyness of her husband and the protest mood of her son, she must convince all family members of the need for family therapy and invite a psychologist to the house. A good specialist will help to understand the causes of outbreaks of aggression in her husband. Perhaps in this way he unconsciously takes out the stress associated with work.
Option 3. Or perhaps the root of the problem lies in the upbringing of your girlfriend's husband himself. Unfortunately, the parents who use force against their children are most often those who themselves faced physical punishment in childhood. We simply unconsciously copy the behavior of our mothers and fathers in relation to our own children. A family therapist can also help stop this process, and the main part of the work will be done with the father of the family.
Word to the lawyer
Anton Palyulin, head of the legal bureau "Palyulin and partners"
What the law says
Art. 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation states that beatings or other violent acts that caused pain, but did not cause a short-term health disorder or a slight permanent loss of general ability to work (more than 6 days), in relation to close persons (including native children) are also a crime. As a measure of punishment, the legislator determined a term of up to two years in prison and other criminal law consequences.
What should a mother do if her child was beaten by her husband
According to paragraph 2 of Art. 20 of the Code of Criminal Procedure of the Russian Federation, criminal cases of battery are initiated only at the request of the victim, and in this case, his legal representative (mother).
First of all, the mother should go with the child to the first-aid post and fix the injuries (bruises, traces of slaps, torn hair, ears reddened from strong physical impact, fingers and other marks of beatings).
After receiving a medical examination, you should go to the district police department and write a statement about the crime. The duty unit and the district police officer must have special forms for such cases.
In the application, indicate the people who are ready to confirm the beatings, and their contacts. Attach a copy of the medical certificate.
Reconciliation and dismissal
The investigator with the consent of the prosecutor, the investigator with the consent of the head of the investigative body or the court (depending on at what stage of the criminal prosecution this happens) has the right to dismiss the case in connection with the reconciliation of the parties. But this is only possible if:
This is the first prosecution in the father's biography;
Reconciliation is recorded in the procedural documents;
The harm caused is compensated (if medical treatment was required, then it must be completed).
Important note: since in such a situation the victim is a child, i.e., a knowingly helpless person, the internal affairs bodies and the court may refuse to terminate the case upon reconciliation of the parties. Then the father will have to be punished by the court.
Beating is one of the most common manifestations of domestic tyranny. Unfortunately, the famous proverb about expressing love and affection by beating the legal spouse is far from always true, and such a manifestation of feelings can cause significant damage to the health of all family members.
Many women do not seek to make public their relationship in the family, thereby endangering not only themselves, but also their children. What to do if a husband beats his wife and child - I will talk about this in this article.
○ Husband beats... What to do?
As I have said repeatedly (see also the article), not all actions to inflict pain can be qualified as beatings.
The Criminal Code provides for several crimes related to causing harm to health - here are beatings, and torture, and violent acts of a sexual nature, and others.
So, if your spouse allows himself to be beaten, thereby causing pain and suffering, the following course of action is possible:
1) Calling the police - the law enforcement officers who arrived will need to write about causing harm to you, describe all the circumstances of the beating, indicating all the methods of causing suffering, the objects that were used to strike. The application will serve as the basis for a forensic medical examination on the subject.
2) If it is not possible to contact the police in a short time, then I recommend visiting a medical facility and fix the beating of the husband. Suitable district clinic, trauma hospital or just the nearest emergency room. In any case, the doctor will provide you with first aid and issue the document you need in the future - a certificate that will reflect all the damage, the nature of their application, etc. will give a guarantee of fixing the beatings and will allow to give the forensic expert the conclusion necessary for initiating a criminal case.
3) After receiving a certificate of beatings, I recommend contacting the police if the law enforcement officers were not called by you earlier, immediately after the incident. The procedure for further actions was announced by me above - writing a statement outlining all the circumstances of the beating. In this case, the basis for conducting a forensic medical examination will be a certificate of beatings issued earlier.
It must be taken into account that beatings - it is a crime of private prosecution. In other words, the police will not conduct examinations and checks without your application. Only contacting the police can lead to punishment of the perpetrator.
○ If a husband beats a child...
In the event that a child has become a victim of beatings, in any case, one should not be afraid to take dirty linen out of the hut. Beating a child is a crime that should not go unpunished.
The procedure here will be similar - the first thing to do is call the police. Of course, at the same time, you should protect the child from further violent actions, try to hide him with neighbors, in an isolated room and in any other safe place.
If you see that the child is in pain, and the damage is not limited to simple bruises and abrasions, be sure to call an ambulance. This will avoid serious consequences of injury. Ambulance doctors organize and receive.
It should be noted that crimes against minors, including beatings, refer to crimes of public accusation, that is, the statement of the victim is not required here, the pre-investigation check will be carried out on the basis of medical documents on causing harm to the health of the child.
The punishment for such an act will also be more severe - the investigation sees a qualified staff in beating children, providing for tougher sanctions.
○ How to legally punish a husband for beating?
Punishment for beatings is provided for in Article 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, according to which the offender can be punished both in the form of a fine, compulsory and corrective labor, and in the form of real imprisonment. The severity of the punishment will depend on the circumstances, including the presence of a relapse, the severity of the harm caused, the presence of signs of a qualified composition. The decision on punishment is always made by the court.
In order to punish a person who has raised a hand against his family, it is necessary to contact the police. It is very likely that any punishment will follow him as a lesson.
The order of actions in case of beatings was indicated by me above. In any case, be sure to. It is possible to punish the criminal only having the indicated documents in hand.
Be sure to keep in mind that if a child became a victim of beating, then this fact will serve as the basis for. A father deprived of such rights does not have the right to participate in the upbringing of the child, to meet with him, he will not be able to further demand alimony for his maintenance in case of poor old age or disability.
“He beats, it means he loves to beat” - they say that the saying it totally sounds like this.
When it comes to two adults, it is believed that they will figure it out themselves.
Another thing is when assault is applied regarding the child who can neither defend nor escape.
I regret that I gave birth to a child: what should I do? Learn about it from ours.
Parents beat children: causes and consequences
When the topic of physical violence at home is raised, consciousness draws a picture of relationships within a marginalized family.
Everything is clear there: one or both parents abuse alcohol, children get under the hot hand in a drunken stupor.
But this is not always the case: the child is also beaten by outwardly prosperous parents who realize that they can't do that.. But they can't stop either.
Causes, according to which the father or mother raises a hand to the children, the consequences:
Physical abuse: how does the child feel?
It is difficult for a child to accept when the person from whom he waiting for protection starts to physically attack him.
In order not to burn out, the child's psyche forms a defense, expressed in the removal from circumstances.
As a result, the little man Difficulty recognizing your true feelings. He is accustomed to extinguish emotions, grown-up children have reduced empathy (empathy), which makes it difficult to relate to other people.
In the most severe cases, a physically injured child develops a pathology called "multiple personality". This means that different "Selves" with opposite desires coexist in a person.
Pain and anger at parents always remain in the repressed part of the personality. The desire to take revenge pushes a grown man to manifestations of violence against his children.
Is it acceptable for educational purposes?
The idea of flip flops and cuffs usually comes to the mind of parents who want to stop bad behavior child.
Possibly a preschool or toddler toddler school age behaves badly: , .
The first manifestations of physical aggression will frighten him, for some time the boy or girl will behave as adults require. In the future, the child will get used to such methods and stop responding to them..
In case of disobedience (for example, coming home late, contacting bad company) violence - proof of parental helplessness.
In all situations education through physical violence will not succeed. Positive changes can be, but short-lived. Later, the child will continue to behave as he wants, besides, resentment towards the parents will remain.
What to do?
Physical abuse occurs under a variety of circumstances. Solution depends on various nuances: the severity of punishment, the attitude of an adult to what is happening, the actions of the second parent.
“I hit a child and I can’t help it. How to be?
Awareness of the inadmissibility of violence is already a step towards a favorable outcome.
An adult who understands everything, but does not hold back at critical moments, There are several ways you can try to calm yourself.:
- Put yourself in the shoes of your son or daughter. Perhaps the bad deed was committed without malicious intent, the child has already repented, but he was hit anyway. Your parent must have been in a similar position. It is always appropriate to replace the beating with a conversation, you can wait until the emotions subside.
- If the offense is serious enough, apply punishment, but do without a belt. Every child has a favorite pastime: computer games, walks, cartoons. Temporary deprivation of pleasure will help the child to realize mistakes.
Later, he will try to prevent such consequences, the authority of his parents will not suffer.
- An effective way is to imagine that corporal punishment will be carried out in front of other people.. In front of a native child, one should be no less ashamed of dissolving hands than in front of a stranger.
If cruelty happened once
“I hit the child on the head, I regret it: what should I do?”
Head injuries are serious. No act of a child can explain such cruelty.
This is where mothers need to figure it out first. with your morale:
Protection from a tyrant father
“The husband beats the child: what to do?” A woman whose child is beaten by her husband has a particularly difficult time: she is between two fires. On the one hand, I feel sorry for my son or daughter, on the other hand, I don’t want to stand with my spouse on opposite sides of the barricades.
If the husband is not the father of the child and did not raise him with early age, then by physical punishment he may try to earn authority, especially when it comes to raising a boy.
Children from first marriages often do not accept second spouses of parents and deliberately behave in protest.
The assault on the part of the father is based on the fact that he, as a rule, has never been close to the child in the same way as the mother.
For a small person, dad often becomes a new person, sometimes coming home. The man remembers when the offspring has already grown up and solves problems that arise in a simple way - physical violence.
In any case, the mother will have to solve the problem, her duty is maintain mental and physical health son or daughter.
Until the blows and cuffs turn into beatings, it’s worth talking to your husband.
Perhaps he himself, being small, became a victim of an aggressive father. Remembering how a man felt at that time can help a father or stepfather reconsider parenting methods.
Consequences Father's abuse can be significant:
- the child will begin to be afraid of adult males, up to panic attacks. In the future, it will be difficult for a boy to find a common language with friends and colleagues, for a girl it will be difficult to establish relationships with a man and start a family;
- the son or daughter will be afraid and hate the father, but will not begin to respect him;
- due to constant fear, the child’s behavior and academic performance will deteriorate;
- will develop hatred for all men without exception.
Unfortunately, the wife does not always manage to solve the problem peacefully. When beliefs do not help, the husband refuses the help of specialists, and beatings of the child enter the system, there is only one way out - to leave.
A woman must remember: if the husband shows physical aggression towards both her and the children, then this will never change. The domestic tyrant, most likely, grew up in a similar environment, beatings are the norm for him.
At the same time, the man does not beat the authorities, colleagues and friends, It means that he can hold himself in his hands, showing promiscuity only in the address of loved ones.
Trying to re-educate an adult is useless.
Beating of a child by a father or mother is unacceptable and strongly condemned by society, but parents sometimes go to the other extreme, practicing psychological violence: indifference, threats, boycotts.
To preserve the health and tranquility of the child, only reasonable methods are suitable: conversations, joint activities, your own positive example.
Why shouldn't children be beaten? Parental self-control and physical punishment:
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