The candy-bouquet period is always beautiful: long romantic walks, moonlight kisses and cell phone calls every ten minutes. Enjoying this wonderful time, we are sure that it will be like this forever. But the gray monotonous life, which further hangs over the relationship, is able to absorb even the most sincere and passionate love. At the same time, women often do not want intimacy and try to avoid it in any way.
Main reasons
Not with her husband... This problem is often raised in various forums by worried ladies. Their unenviable marital status is commented on by all and sundry, often mocking a cold woman or accusing her of frigidity. Instead of reading all this nonsense, it is better to turn to a psychologist who will tell you about the main reasons for reluctance. Experts identify several pitfalls that stand in the way of your "sexual" happiness:
- Stress. They do not allow the wife to relax and tune in to the right wave.
- Diets and birth control pills. They can lower the level of libido.
- Some character traits of the husband: rudeness, passivity, untidiness, non-compliance with hygiene.
- Hormonal restructuring of the body in connection with the birth of a baby.
In these cases, the problem can be solved by canceling hormonal drugs, waiting for the period until health is restored after childbirth, simply by talking frankly with a man about his way of life, habits and character. If the cause is not found, and the woman continues to say: "I do not want sex with my husband!" - in this situation it is necessary to understand in detail.
If the husband is not macho
Perhaps the problem lies precisely in this. And a woman cannot admit to a man that his sexual abilities, alas, do not give her the desired pleasure. When they first met, the girl did not notice this, since romance hid a lot. Going to the movies, candlelit dinners, and hugs at every turn smoothed out the rough edges, and you didn't give a damn. of great importance incompatibility in bed. But now the veil has been lifted from my eyes. And the woman is not quite comfortable next to the chosen one. And she mentally asks herself the question: "I don't want a husband... What should I do in this situation?"
Psychologists advise the girl to directly tell her soul mate what does not suit her. Together, the problem will be solved. If the reason is the lack of arousal, you can ask your husband to pay more attention to petting. Let him seduce again, become playful, passionate. A man is obliged to take off his old family swimming trunks, in which he used to wallow in front of the TV, and put on frank and sexy underwear. If the lady is not satisfied with her chosen one, he must bring her to the peak of pleasure in another way: oral sex, for example.
Incomprehensibility
This condition is familiar to every woman. She is 100% sure: the process is far from amazing and enchanting, but she cannot understand exactly where improvement is required. She just doesn't like going to bed, and she sighs doomedly: "I don't want to sleep with my husband ..." As a result, it's easier to refuse than to rack your brains in search of unsuccessful and annoying moments of physical intimacy.
In this case, the lady still has to find time to sit down and figure it out. Because no one else can solve the problem except for her. If the husband is correct, attentive, gentle, accurate, loves his wife's cooking and respects her mother, then the girl needs to look for reasons deep inside herself. Maybe she just needs a break or a variety in poses and locations. Then, so that there is no barrier called "I do not want closeness with my husband," you can wave to the sea or the mountains. A change in the familiar atmosphere, new acquaintances and adventures can revive the former passion and save the couple from an unwanted divorce.
persistence
The couple did not agree in temperaments: he wants several times a day, and two sexual acts a week are absolutely enough for her. And when the husband again "wants" his soul mate, she wants to run wherever her eyes look. The wife does not ask herself: she firmly knows the answer to this question - she got it. Yes, this happens often. The indefatigable rabbit in the person of the missus sticks to the woman, even when the surrounding reality does not favor physical intimacy: she is busy in the kitchen or preparing a report for a conference. Or just not in the mood to go to bed here and now. In addition, the girl is offended by the fact that they look at her only as an object of desire, ignoring the two higher educations she received, knowledge of Shakespeare in the original and written philosophical articles.
There are two exits. The first - the wife refuses, but runs the risk of finding out in six months that the chosen one has a mistress. The second is to agree, relax and have fun. And this is the best way, because with age, such moments will occur less and less. And in general, rejoice that you are wanted. Many women can only envy this state of affairs.
Flaw
A woman who is used to repeating: "I don't want sex with my husband" often lacks something. Psychologists say: a lack of communication can lead to the fact that feelings between spouses cool. In this case, the couple needs to spend as much time together as possible: go on picnics on weekends, take vacations and time off at the same time. If there are children, then it is better to leave them with their grandmother, so that the husband and wife can fully enjoy the common pastime.
At the same time, a man should take an active part in his wife’s personal life, share her interests, support plans, and engage in a common hobby. Do not be afraid, no one forces the head of the family to cross-stitch, but it is quite within his power to look together. In addition, this will delight the lady, she will take a fresh look at relationships in marriage, especially on their physical side. The chosen one should take an active part in household chores, go shopping together and help children with their homework. Thus, he will unload her everyday life: the lady will not get tired, while the desire for intimacy will arise in her much more often than before.
complexes
They develop from childhood and prevent the beautiful half of humanity from living and loving. Any physical defect makes the wife ashamed of her body. And at the next bachelorette party, say to your friends: "I don't want to sleep with my husband!" A girl may avoid intimacy if she has small or too large breasts, a scar on her stomach, or crooked legs. Convincing a wife that she is loved for who she is is sometimes very difficult. If the lady is so obsessed with the problem, you can correct the flaw through surgery. It will also help to consult a psychologist who will teach a woman to love herself no matter what.
A chill in a relationship can appear even when a girl feels a lack of her sexuality, beauty, seductress skills. She is ashamed of her flabby tummy and silently envies the fit beauties that the gentleman stares at. To feel confident coquette, a lady should go in for sports, eat right and sign up for geisha courses. change her attitude towards sex - in a positive way.
Lover is the way out?
In this way, many women try to cut. It seems to them: if the husband does not cause proper emotions and sexual attraction, they should be looked for on the side. And then, as if by magic, a new employee comes to the office: smart, handsome, elegant, smiling. The husband obviously loses in comparison with him, especially if you remember the dump of dirty socks under the bed or his habit of picking his nose. Therefore, the new employee attracts the girl like a magnet, promising her heavenly mountains in the form of care, love and, of course, high-quality sensual sex.
A woman thinks: "I love, but I don't want a husband. I won't get a divorce, but I can please myself." But is the game worth the candle? Many ladies, having tasted the forbidden fruit, say no. Firstly, strict secrecy is needed, which takes a lot of time, effort and money. Secondly, remorse will not let you sleep at night. Thirdly, the lover will turn out to be the same man, prone to scattering socks. Therefore, it is unprofitable to start a gentleman on the side.
Four Justifiable No's
I don't want to sleep with my husband... How often you can hear this from friends, employees, or even from your own mother. The problem is as old as the world, and often the woman is not to blame for it. Agree, it’s one thing to go to bed with your soul mate when you don’t carry the burden of caring for the house and children. And it’s completely different when you are torn into a million pieces in order to have time to go to work, and feed your family, wash everything, iron it and clean up in the end. After such a marathon, you just want to fall on the bed and not move. At the same time, her husband's attempts to seduce cause nervous convulsions and attacks of aggression.
Sexologists say that there are four arguments in favor of women who do not want to forcefully make love:
- Dullness of sensations that causes depression and
- development of frigidity.
- The appearance of gynecological problems.
- Loss of attraction.
And to prevent this from happening, try to find the cause of your coldness and solve it using the methods described above.
What to do if you do not want to have sex with your husband?
If none of the above helps, you need to go the other way. Psychologists call the ability to fall in love with a chosen one again the most effective, trouble-free and useful method. This is quite difficult to do, especially when there are ten years of marriage behind you and a couple of children in the next room. For everything to work out, psychologists recommend focusing on positive qualities, you should pay attention to the fact that he has very strong sexy arms, but close your eyes to the hanging "ears" of fat on the sides. Although it is necessary to hint at problems in the figure. It is better if you attend training together.
“I don’t want a husband, what should I do?” the girl asks herself. At the same time, she does not suspect: one has only to recall the candy-bouquet period, as a feeling of warmth and tenderness will spread throughout the body. She needs to re-imagine those moments when he looked into his eyes in love, kissed his hands, made an offer, was on duty at the windows of the maternity hospital and launched fireworks at the birth of her first child ... These memories will make it clear that there is no closer person. Love will be reborn, and with it passion, and the desire for intimacy, and the thirst for new sexual experiments.
Wife doesn't want sex
Difficulties in relationships
Wife doesn't want sex
One of the main problems of men over 30 is the lack of desire of the wife to have sex. Or rather, this state of affairs, when in the evening a man comes home and sees a woman who treats him with contempt. She refuses any attempts and hints of making love, which infuriates the man and makes him extremely angry.
And then some begin to look for love and women's care on the side, and they do it quite successfully. And others withdraw into themselves and begin to gradually destroy their male pride and health. Here we are talking about evening beer, gatherings with men and a complete reluctance to go home and see this sour and insipid wife, who will not say anything good anyway.
This situation will sooner or later lead to the destruction of the family or more serious conflicts on a nervous basis. Since a man cannot live without female affection and love. He begins to go crazy, becomes irritable and decides to leave the family. And we can say with confidence that this state of affairs needs to be urgently corrected.
Wanting sex with your wife is perfectly normal
Although the problem affects your wife's head, you yourself suffer from it. If she really does not want to have sex and she has no desire to be with you, it will take you time and effort to get to the reason for this behavior.
The mistake of many men is that they begin to look for the cause in themselves, which is categorically wrong. Remember: the desire to have sex is normal for people. If you want sex, but your wife does not? - then this is your wife's problem.
Therefore, you do not need to read magazines and articles about how fatigue and work affect sexual desire. Normal marital relations include regular sex with the wife. If this does not happen for any reason, this is a clear sign that your union is under threat. It's not your fault, you want a normal marriage.
It is difficult to say the true reasons, but if the wife makes you feel like a maniac and a sexually preoccupied person, she clearly does not respect you. This state of affairs cannot continue for long. Sooner or later, you will accumulate discontent, and you will find another woman.
Why does my wife not want to have sex?
She gets tired. Some women get really tired at work or at home with children, that in the evening they only have enough strength to get to the bed and slam into it. Such wives can be easily distinguished by their sleepy state, sluggish gait and sound sleep. In other words, a person gets tired so that he really does not need anything.
And if in the evening she has enough strength to sit and watch TV shows, sit with classmates or contacts, chat with her friends or go for a walk with the girls, then this is definitely not fatigue.
She recently gave birth to a child. Girls after childbirth experience a reduced sexual desire, which can be described as follows: “You have already given birth, so watch the baby. You don't need another yet." And no matter how hard a man tries and tries to get his wife, nature puts a stop and that's it.
There are even girls who themselves understand that their husband is ill, but they cannot overpower themselves. This condition can last from 2 months to 2 years, and the woman can actually do nothing with herself.
You don't turn her on. Women want to see strong and successful men next to them who have charisma and masculinity. And it's hard to catch the line when you stop being the man of her dreams and turn into a boring roommate who brings money and occasionally surprises. Most often, it is this reason that becomes the stumbling block that destroys the family.
She found another. If a woman has fallen out of love with her husband and has found a new boyfriend, then she will not immediately say about it. She will hide, squirm, and gradually accept the thought that her marriage is over. She, in essence, makes parting for herself softer and calmer. And sex is not the part that will help her wean herself from her man. Therefore, she does not deal with it.
What to do if the wife does not want sex
How can you change the situation anyway? If the wife says that she is too tired, and when you show your affection and desire, she begins to swear and say that you are preventing her from resting. You still need to try to change this situation and take action.
Many men begin to show care and affection, give flowers and arrange dinners with candles. They also help with household chores, take care of children and the like. Yes, it will really work. You will have sex. But it will be due to female gratitude, and not attraction and desire. After a while, everything will return again to a situation without sex.
She can justify such behavior that at this stage of her life, her career, family, parents or children, have become more important. It sounds plausible, but a pure lie that obscures the real reason.
You need to understand male sexuality. A woman wants and desires to have sex with a successful and strong man. The problem is not with you, but with her. She doesn't find you sexy anymore. Therefore, you need to become more independent, self-confident and, of course, put your body in order. When you do this, she will climb to you, and you have to choose whether you want it or not.
You are not offended by your wife, you do not quarrel with her, you just start to take care of yourself and make yourself better. And then she herself will run to you, as she will want and be afraid that another will desire you.
Probably, every girl, getting married, brightly imagines a fabulous relationship between two lovers, morning coffee in bed, touching kisses and, of course, passionate nights of love. But over time, tender feelings develop into a habit, kisses become less and less, and sex disappears altogether. One week follows another, and the spouse, who used to spend a day in bed with you, stubbornly does not want intimacy.
First, you should calm down and think about what has changed in your husband's behavior, in addition to refusing sex. Debriefing in this case will only help to finally unsettle the spouse and exacerbate the tense situation. After you calm down, try to understand the reasons why the husband shuns intimacy.
Reason #1: The Benefits of Being a Father
If a baby has recently appeared in your family, then the temporary lack of intimacy is a completely understandable phenomenon. Coming home from work, the exhausted head of the family plays and fiddles with the child, and then falls into bed to start hunting the mammoth again in the morning. But at night, most likely, the spouse cannot rest. The first months, and sometimes longer, the baby's sleep is unstable, and night tantrums happen almost daily. Therefore, it is not surprising that a man associates the marital bed only with relaxation.
What to do? Such a situation for newly-made parents is considered quite normal and does not require any drastic measures on your part. You can go for a trick: ask your grandmother (neighbor, girlfriend) to sit with the baby in the evening. Use your free time to good use: cook a delicious dinner, light scented candles, put on seductive clothes and give your spouse an erotic massage. You can be sure that he will definitely not resist such pressure.
Reason #2: Another woman
One of the most common reasons why a spouse does not want sex is the presence of a relationship on the side. An affair can proceed in different ways: either an overabundance of sex with a mistress does not leave the strength to perform marital duties, or there is no intimacy on the side, but the feelings that flared up for another woman caused you to cool down.
The fact that in a relationship you are now not two, but three, may be evidenced by such signs as:
- Constant delays of the spouse at work and the desire to leave home under any pretext;
- taciturnity and secrecy;
- Irritability over trifles.
If a spouse behaves in this way, then the lack of sex is most likely the merit of another woman.
What to do? First you need to talk to your husband. Do not throw tantrums and do not make scandals - this is unlikely to help solve the problem. If you can not control yourself, then it is better to drink a sedative before talking. Try to find out about the reasons that led to the betrayal, and then discuss the next steps.
If you see the sincere repentance of your spouse and feel the strength to forgive, then why not try to save the marriage. After all, the passion that he feels for another woman will soon evaporate, and you and him are connected by years lived together, children, common habits and much more.
the site draws your attention to one important point, no matter what decision you make, in no case look for meetings with an opponent. Do not call her with threats, do not become a stalking avenger. This will take your last strength, make you nervous and, moreover, put you in a humiliating position for your legal wife. To maintain pride in this situation, you need to calm down and focus on the problem, solving it only with your spouse.
Reason #3: Wife doesn't care about her appearance
The erroneous belief of many married women: they think that a loving spouse will want them until old age, no matter how they look. If you have thrown cosmetics into a distant drawer, walk around the apartment in an old bathrobe and are rapidly getting fat from eating sweets, then sooner or later even the most faithful man will look “to the left”.
What to do? First, take a look in the mirror and soberly evaluate your own reflection. Eaten goodies are deposited on the sides and thighs? So, it's time to review your diet and purchase a subscription to Gym. Has your dressing gown faded and looks like a shapeless hoodie? Go shopping and buy seductive clothes for your home. Additionally, you can change your hairstyle, and even hair color, sign up for a make-up master class and replenish your wardrobe with several new clothes and accessories. Pleasant changes in appearance will not only raise your self-esteem, but also make your spouse look at you with completely different eyes, full of passion and desire.
Reason #4: Work Issues
Denial of intimacy can also provoke stressful situations in the workplace. Important reports, official checks of higher authorities, daily changing requirements of management - all this can cause a depressive state and withdrawal into oneself.
Women, unlike men, tolerate stress more easily - it is enough for them to cry and complain to their friends. The stronger sex, for the most part, is not used to complaining and tries to digest problems deep in itself. And under the load of accumulated stress and fatigue, it is no longer up to sex. The spouse, on the contrary, seeks to hide at the computer or with a book in order to relax a little, and not to perform another duty, this time a marital one.
What to do? The main rule - do not try to find out from your spouse what happened. Show silent care, surround him with tenderness, let him know that he is loved and appreciated. Treat your husband to a delicious dinner, have a relaxing massage, offer to watch his favorite movie together. He must be sure that his family is a reliable fortress where he can take a break from problems. You will see, as soon as the spouse relaxes in warmth and comfort, intimate life will begin to improve.
Reason #5: Problems with potency
You may not suspect that your husband has health problems - problems of this kind men usually do not discuss with anyone. Lack of erection negatively affects the male psyche, makes the stronger sex feel weak, withdraw into itself. What kind of dinner by candlelight or seductive lingerie is there, if even secret pills and erotic films are powerless?
What to do? If you guess about the problems of your man, then you do not need to pounce on him and drag him to a sexologist. The only thing that can help in this situation is a confidential conversation. Calmly explain to your spouse that you are ready to help and support him, no matter what happens. Recommend visiting a doctor to address the problem. In no case do not put pressure on your husband and do not insist on going to a specialist. Perhaps while he hesitates, and when the decision is made, he himself will inform you about it.
How to arouse sexual desire in a husband?
- Periodically prepare dishes from foods containing aphrodisiacs - substances that increase sexual desire. Most natural pathogens are found in seafood (mussels, oysters, shrimp, etc.), chocolate, asparagus, nuts, mushrooms and fresh fruits;
- Take care of your appearance: visit a hairdresser, get an original manicure, treat yourself to a chocolate wrap session. Believe me, your spouse will appreciate your efforts;
- Try to get closer and invite your husband to spend time doing a pleasant activity. You can go to the cinema for an evening session, sit in a cafe or attend a football match. Try to imbue his interests and, perhaps, he will not feel so lonely;
- Invite your spouse to fulfill sexual fantasies. It is unlikely that he will refuse the opportunity to try something new. And if you run into a sex shop before the upcoming night and purchase a modest attribute for intimate games, then you are guaranteed passion and orgasms;
- If everything is in order with a sense of rhythm, start attending dances. You can choose strip plastic, oriental style or go-go. Having comprehended the basics of dance art, you can organize a show for one viewer and, for sure, it will look seductive and bewitching;
- The women's portal website recommends not limiting sex to just outside the bedroom. Try to seduce your man in a new place. You can rent a hotel room, go together to the bosom of nature or indulge in passion on the shore of a deserted beach. This will refresh the monotonous everyday life and add spice to your relationship.
Is it possible now to meet a young couple who are happily married? "Of course yes!" - you will answer. And we think so, especially when a couple does not live together for so long, and then the longer the “experience” of family life, the fewer couples live to old age in a happy union. There are many reasons for divorce, and one of them is dissatisfaction with sexual relations. Passion disappears somewhere, lust for the once adored subject disappears, the thought of which is already drooling. Something seems to break within these relationships. Husbands complain about their wives that they have little intimacy in bed, and wives complain about their husbands that they are insatiable and they only need “this”. So why did the wife begin to refuse her husband in bed? This article is not only for concerned husbands, but also for wives, as it describes the main problems that you need to understand and find solutions in order to save your relationship. Women's phrases already worn to holes: “Leave me alone, my head hurts!”, “I'm tired, I want to sleep!”, “Oh, that's it!” etc., they cut not only on a man's ear, but also on his self-esteem.
In cases where a woman really feels unwell, is tired, or a five-minute squabble ended in a serious scandal with offensive words addressed to her, then do not expect love, tenderness, or affection from her. We do not consider here a situation where partners are not sexually compatible, since if a couple decides to reunite in marriage, then everything suits them in each other. It will be about what to do if the wife began to avoid intimacy with her husband more and more often.
The wife does not want sex, why?
1. Health problems. It often happens that the female libido is reduced due to any diseases in a feminine way. Some women may not even know about, as their symptoms can be very minor. Ask your loved one to go once again to the gynecologist in order to rule out health problems.In a separate paragraph, we will highlight any other diseases when there really is no time for sex. When something hurts, you do not want anything at all. Accordingly, having decided all the nuances of health, you can enjoy each other, as before.
2. Fatigue. This point combines both moral and physical. Often, our women work on an equal footing with their husbands (8-10 hours a day with two days off or less), plus life is piled on work, in addition, if there are children, then that’s it, the wife is “sewn up” completely. How to endure all this? There is only one way out, dear men. If your little wife is spinning in the cycle of affairs, then simply take on some of her duties, thereby you will kill two birds with one stone: a) she will appreciate your efforts; b) she will have more free time. She will rest, get a little distracted, and her hero will be rewarded! Only it should not be a one-time help, but on an ongoing basis.
3. A sharp change in the character of a man. Quite often it happens that a guy, trying to conquer his future wife during a romantic period, hides his not the best sides of character. Women sometimes do this too, but now it's about men. So, she fell in love with a certain type of character in you, but the more years she lived together (problems experienced with them, possibly hidden addictions become a reality, the appearance of children, financial difficulties, etc.), the more often completely different traits appear in her husband which do not satisfy her. For husbands, there is only one way out - to become back to the one she married. Maybe this is not a matter of one day, but it is necessary to try if your family is dear to you.
4. Not grooming husband. Strange point, we agree. But! You, men, want to see beautiful well-groomed women next to you. Women also want to see a handsome man next to them. Greasy hair, unkempt nails, “beer belly”, these are not all criteria of course (each lady has her own). Well, such a male will not excite a female in any way, sorry for being direct. After all, even in the wild, the male swaggers in front of a female in order to win her attention. In this regard, we still have these instincts at a deep level. The way out is simple: put yourself in order, and do everything that you did on your first dates (joint trips to cafes, movies, flowers, compliments, and so on). We hope that after such a turn she will not be able to refuse.
5. Role reversal. And it's not about role-playing games. When a wife has to, for whatever reason, become a breadwinner and breadwinner in the house, and a man a housewife, this leads to a loss of respect for such a “head of the family”. If the measures were forced: the husband lost his ability to work, or the wife’s work brings more money, and the children have to stay at home, or the spouses may like this alignment of forces, then everything is in order. But when a man in perfect health and mind does not want to work, just be lazy, the wife has been supporting the whole family for a long time, then of course she will lose interest in such a husband. In fact, on a subconscious level, he becomes for her a child who needs to be nursed, and mothers do not want sex with their children. The way out of this situation is obvious: the peasant takes everything into his own hands and begins to fulfill his function as a breadwinner. At the same time, an adequate wife will not hang around her hubby’s neck, she will of course help him, but she will feel strong support, protection, and again in her eyes he will become respected and loved.
6. And so, from the lungs we smoothly move on to more complex tasks. This item includes all experienced scandals, insults, betrayals by the husband, unsaid compliments, flowers and gifts not given, phones and fur coats not bought, vacations not reached, all gatherings with friends and beer in front of the TV, scattered things around the house, everything staying late at work, too rough parenting….. Oh, you can’t list everything. There is only one way out: a heart-to-heart talk. As you wish, but talk with your beloved about her emotional experiences. Find an hour of your time for her, not when it is convenient for you, but when she has a predisposing mood. And she will tell you everything she is unhappy with. After you talk and eliminate the cause of her internal conflicts, changes for the better in a joint sexual life will be evident.
7. Domestic violence. It is not uncommon for women to suffer in families from violent acts by their spouses. This is not only assault, but also sexual violence. A man can, without asking his wife if she wants to have sex, force him to satisfy his needs. One such time is enough and that's it .... Some males perceive this type of sex as the fulfillment of her female duty to him. They don’t see anything terrible in this and continue to have intercourse for years (and we can’t call it differently) with their soul mates. And then they ask themselves: “Why doesn’t she want me?” The way out is not easy. It is difficult for a man to break such a demeanor, and it will be difficult for a woman to forget all this. Here you need qualified help from a psychologist. Since one cannot hope for the wisdom of both sides. It's both, not just one. Since one rapes, and the second suffers.
8. Tragedy. In this paragraph, we bring all the serious shocks that occur in a woman’s life: difficult childbirth, loss of loved ones, loss of health, change of residence due to her husband’s work, terrible events that happened before her eyes, experienced violence from another man. Again, you can list a lot of everything negative that can happen in life. And if it suddenly turned out that the husband, instead of supporting him, ignored the emotional pain of his wife, then she loses interest in him. Husbands, remember the vows that you made to each other at the beginning of your life together, support each other, endure all the hardships of life together. She will look at you with different eyes. In love again.
9. "Love flew out the window". There is an opinion that falling in love lasts 18 months, and then the habit, jointly acquired property and children come into force. In our opinion, love does not go anywhere, but passion and ardor disappear. Real feeling does not wither for many years. To check how much you need each other, stay away from each other. A husband can go on a business trip or visit his parents for a week or two, or pay for his wife's vacation at sea. There are many solutions, but you should not leave on a negative note, otherwise everything will get worse. If it turns out that it’s easier for you to be apart, then the conclusion suggests itself ... It’s worth thinking 20 times to decide on a divorce. When, at a distance, you realize that you cannot live arcs without a friend, then passion will overwhelm both of you with renewed vigor.10. Punishment. Yes, yes, this is how many wives manipulate their husbands. If she needs something, then she is affectionate and just a tigress in bed. If the husband is guilty somewhere, then total refusal and indifference to him. The head of the family needs to become wise in order to fight her feminine tricks and not be led. Let her know that you are in the know and these pranks will not work in your family. How to do this is more clear to you, because you live with her and know your tigress better than anyone.
Frigidity(the solution is a trip to a specialist), earlier onset of menopause (a trip to a gynecologist will help to sort out this situation), an inept husband in bed (you need to become more skilled and experiment with your wife) are also reasons.
How to make sure that sex was regular?
Both need to work in this direction. Yes, it's difficult sometimes. First of all, a woman should understand herself what exactly worries her. And the husband should not look “to the left” after several refusals. After all, one such betrayal can destroy everything. Remember, in a relationship it is important that everyone takes steps to meet each other. If one is constantly walking, and the second is trampling, then one day the first will get tired and leave. How many broken families are now, only because one / one rested like idols on their own and not a step forward. When there is mutual understanding, trust, respect, love, in the end, then intimate life will be bright, The husband will not want to look at other skirts, and the wife will never allow herself in the company of her friends to speak negatively about him. All problems are solvable, above we gave hints in which direction it is worth working.
Pregnancy and sex
Let's say right away that many expectant mothers refuse sex for various reasons: moral and aesthetic, physiological (hormone jumps in the blood, toxicosis, pathologies, etc.), personal prejudices (“cockroaches in the head”). As a rule, a woman, on the contrary, wants more and more sex, even in the last months of pregnancy. It's all about the hormones. A man is not always happy with such activity, as he himself is a little embarrassed to have sex with a rounded wife, mainly because he is afraid of harming the fetus. Here it is necessary to talk with a gynecologist about the nuances of sexual life during pregnancy.
From ourselves, let's say that you can have sex and necessary, especially with loved ones. After all, this is not only a pleasure, but also a guarantee of good physical and mental health for both sexes. Yes, girls, this applies to you too. If your loved one has only pluses from all sides, and there are practically no minuses, then do not deny him and yourself this pleasure!
Sexual life is a very important issue. No less significant is the problem described in. Get well!
Men often turn to sexologists with complaints that the wife does not want intimacy, which yields to her husband only out of necessity. But before marriage, everything was completely different - the desire of a woman to have sex was no less than that of a partner, and their sex life was very rich and varied. It happens that women also apply:
“I have been married for ten years now. We are a good couple, we have two wonderful children. Everything would be just perfect if it were not for disputes over intimacy. I get tired at work and also take care of the house and children, so in the evening I don’t feel like having sex at all - I have one thought in my head - how to get to bed as soon as possible.
There is no more strength left for the proximity. My husband, on the contrary, is in full combat readiness in the evening, and my refusals have a depressing effect on him. So it turns out that we only have sex once a week, on Fridays, when I'm not so tired. My husband is very unhappy with this. At first, he delicately hinted to me that he wanted intimacy more often, and recently he began to say directly that our sex life did not satisfy him. Sex is the only reason for our quarrels, on all other issues we have complete agreement. I even suggested that my husband go to a sexologist, but he replied: “Why is this? Neither you nor I have any problems, we just have to do it more often.” What do you advise?"
The answer of sexologists
Motherhood and fatherhood are not as easy as they seem. The appearance of children in the family significantly changes marital relations, including in the sphere of intimacy. You can not discount the change of priorities. A young wife focuses most of her interests on her beloved, but when she has children from this man, a significant part of her attention, anxiety, love is transferred to them. This is normal, this is natural, nature created such women. Mothers often and willingly hug their babies, kiss, caress. At the same time, a woman unconsciously, without realizing it, satisfies her own need for physical touch. All living beings have this need. Without physical contact, people experience tactile hunger, and it can be as acute as real hunger. Perhaps this is what is happening to your husband.
It is possible that your need for intimacy has “dozed off” because you pay a lot of attention to children and give them that part of the bodily warmth that is intended for your husband. In a word, it can be understood. But you can also understand. Your husband's dissatisfaction, his reproaches, his demands for intimacy turn this pleasant activity into an additional responsibility for you - one of the many that you face as a working mother of two small children. The solution to your family problem lies in the following. It is advisable for you to remove some of the household duties from yourself in order to devote more time to yourself, to your body. This will reawaken your sex drive and bring intimacy back into your bedroom. Take a moment to have a frank conversation with your husband. Tell him about how tired you are, and together think about how you can make your household chores easier. Perhaps the husband should take on some of the chores around the house or organize life in some other way - for example, periodically invite a nanny for children or a house cleaning assistant so that you have the opportunity to relax and gain strength. And one more piece of advice for your husband. Instead of reproaching his wife for lack of desire, it is better for him to ask what turns her on the most, what causes her pleasure.
Since such questions arise very often, we publish an article on the topic of the characteristics of the female libido.
Sexual attraction of a woman or why the wife does not want intimacy
A woman's sex drive is largely dependent on hormones. Libido often decreases after the birth of a child and in the case of thyroid disease, as well as as a result of taking hormonal pills. What else increases or decreases the desire to have sex?
Hormones are often blamed for the lack of desire for intimacy. It's true, hormones are largely responsible for a woman's mood and desire for intimacy. When it comes to a woman's monthly cycle, the presence of cyclic fluctuations in sex hormones has a significant impact on libido levels. So in the first stage of the ovulation cycle, estrogen dominates, which causes a greater desire for sex. After ovulation, a woman's body increases the hormone progesterone and decreases libido. Women's libido is at its lowest just before menstruation due to reduced levels of both progesterone and estrogen.
The sensitivity of the endocrine system explains the frequent drop in libido after using hormonal contraception - many women, in order to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancy, thus, quite unexpectedly, begin to lose their mood and desire for intimacy with their husband.
Wife doesn't want intimacy after childbirth
The level of libido, among other things, also depends on prolactin, a hormone in high concentrations produced in women after childbirth. High prolactin levels block ovulation and cause a decrease in sex drive. This is a natural phenomenon to prevent the next pregnancy from coming too soon. Prolactin gives the woman's body time to recover and allows you to focus on caring for the condition of the child. High prolactin levels can also be caused by other causes, such as surgery or a pituitary tumor.
Thyroid hormones also affect desire for intimacy
Not all of us know that a small gland - the thyroid gland - is also responsible for the readiness for intimacy or the reluctance to have sex. Meanwhile, hypothyroidism or Hashimoto's disease also causes a decrease in libido. In this case, it is necessary to consult a good specialist, analyze various levels of thyroid hormones and receive appropriate treatment.
Little things that affect a woman's interest in sex
Regardless of female hormones, contraceptive choices, and their effect on sex drive, scientists continue to explore what influences a woman's desire for sex. Here are some interesting facts:
Chocolate enhances the desire for intimacy- Dark chocolate increases dopamine levels and the bioflavonoids contained in it are good for blood vessels, which improves blood circulation. The doses contained in chocolate and sugar can add energy for love pranks. However, chocolate does have a "dark side" - two years ago, the world was bypassed by the results of studies that showed that more than a third of women prefer to eat chocolate instead of ... sex. The research was done by a dessert maker, but it can be very reliable given that women often seek solace in sweets. So chocolate - yes, but only in small quantities and only bitter chocolate!
Research has shown positive effect of glass and red wine on women's desire for sexual intimacy. Red wine dilates blood vessels and increases blood flow to key areas of arousal, but is very a large number of alcohol, has the exact opposite effect - it can reduce sexual performance, acts as a sedative and suppresses libido.
Red is associated with passion and sex. In a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, scientists found that women want men dressed in red because it's more sexy.
Why a woman does not want a man - reasons
“In the beginning, we had sex three times a day, anywhere. Now she doesn't want me anymore, doesn't want intimacy. When we do this, it's always on my initiative, and she often refuses."
This is a very common situation in which couples often find themselves after a year or two of relationship or marriage.
- A man's desire for sex does not depend on his emotional state. Perhaps he quarreled with a woman, and after that, after 10 minutes, he has a desire for intimacy with her. The desire of women for sex is completely determined by the emotional attitude towards their husband. If a woman feels comfortable, if he has created positive emotions, the woman wants a man and this increases the desire for intimacy with him.
- It is much more important for a woman to communicate with her partner before the act itself. Daily communication, romantic gestures and pre-games. The emotions associated with these gestures make her want intimacy with men.
- At the beginning of a relationship, a man feels admiration for a woman. This, of course, occurs in his attitude towards her. Looks, touches, kisses, kind gestures feed her imagination, emotions increase her sexual desire. Over time, a man gets used to and ceases to treat her as a special woman. This leads to a weakening of her emotions and, consequently, reduces her sexual desire.
- When a man wants intimacy (or worse, in the case of intimacy with a woman, as a "commitment"), this makes the situation worse. If a man insists on sex, the woman feels pressure and the desire for intimacy disappears completely. She can satisfy his request, but she does not experience any positive emotions.